Just got back from Elsewhere. Often advertised on TV as "Cache Creek Casino". For a place that is only 30 minutes from Davis, or Vacaville, or Sacramento, it's more remote and almost as hard to find as Xanadu. Or Erehwon. No, that's not true; there are signs for Xanadu. OK, library sections. Whatever.

The only sign I had that I might be approaching the place was the sudden appearance of a line of thirty cars in front of me. All driving an annoying though understandable 10 MPH below the 55 speed limit, because there are no actual SIGNS saying "Cache Creek, actually on this shitty little road, only 3 more boring miles". When we get about a mile away I see peeking over the trees a horde of floodlights on poles. It's either the casino, a military base, or the secret rendezvous for the ships from "Close Encounters". Any one will do at this point.

Nevertheless I got there on time, driving from Vacaville where I got a room for $54.00 versus the $345.00 for Cache Creek. Now you know how they pay the staff....

OK, so valet parking when I get there. I have no time to waste in their parking garage, as I am there to see Greg Proops, Ryan Stiles, Jefferson Bryant Davis and Chip Esten in their "Whose Live Anyway" show at 8PM, and it's 7:15 thanks to the slomobiles. I have my email from their Guest Services manager, and this saves the day; when I walk up the clerk at the counter says "Ummm, who said you had a ticket sir?" Seems there is no ticket there under my name. "Your boss. Here is the email she sent." Whooops! She blanched. 5 minutes later her boss is there. Read the email, looked at the clerk, and then escorted me to a very nice seat in the front section. All better now. Turned out the boss was to blame; left the ticket on her desk. Ooops!

Greg spotted me at the bar; yes, the bar that lives in the middle of the theatre. Rockin! 3 minutes to get a drink (comped by Guest Services). Greg and I chatted for a bit, and I got some of the attention celebs get, when two people ran up after he left. "Whoa, dude, who are you? He just came over and TALKED to you!" "Umm, I've known him since high school." "Whoa! Can you get us backstage!" Sigh. "Sure. In fact, we can go up to his room and party later. Wait outside after the show by the Penny Slots. I'll come get you." OK, that's one more turn on the karma wheel for me, but so what. Right now it's a merry-go-round anyway; what's one more revolution?

The show is awesome. These four have a decided chemistry that's better than the Improv All-Stars. Don't know if part of that is that there are just the four, or if they simply are more in tune with each other. Immaterial. They leave people wiping their eyes. Greg opened with a short bit of standup, and the audience was ready to have fun in seconds. "Welcome to Cache Creeks Star Trek room..." and he was off. They started with "Tag", and Greg left Jeff in downward facing dog for minutes. No mercy.

Some gems; in "Jeopardy" they asked for a foreign term, and some one screwed up Fellatio. It winds up as Fellato, and they won't let that go. Chip buzzes in with "What goes after fish?" Ryan:"You mean BEFORE fish?" "Ummm yea, fellat-o fish..." Third time Chip messed up a sequence, and Ryan suggested that maybe if he turned around...... Greg and Jeff have to turn away to stop laughing. The "Greatest Hits ..." songs of the whatever ad bit was Ryan and Greg, and Greg pulled two nasty titles that I have now forgotten. Oh well. The first was a Country Western tune, and Jeff and Chip recovered and did a Grammy winning round for the finish. Then Ryan and Greg gave them an 80's tune, and Jeff and Chip pulled off a brilliant Depeche Mode/Tears For Fears/Duran Duran single that could have made the charts. Well, except for the obvious mockery of Depeche Mode angst, which had me gasping for breath.

They were called back for an encore, and probably could have gotten two more. Jeff and Ryan came out first after the show, and invited me to join them at the C2 restaurant for a late dinner. OK, now I am in fan heaven. The restaurant closes at 11 PM, and it's...11 PM. So what. These are stars, and the staff are all over us. "Whose the bald fat guy?" "An agent?" "Too hairy." "Bodyguard?" "Too short." They served us a brilliant meal, and damn if the food isn't almost worth the drive. No, that's bullshit. It's worth at least 4 extra miles of driving. Plus the menus are actually "white paper" screens with text. They weigh about two pounds. Naturally we all take turns screwing around with them. Jeff is tanning with his. The waitress (excuse me, the Server, Jessica...) apologized that they had no more Halibut to use for the crab-crusted Halibut; can they substitute.... "Wombat? You have Wombat? That will work fine.." She laughed and trotted off, came back to tell Ryan and I that they were out of that also. "Will Spotted Owl be alright?" The dinner was off to a great start.

Finally it's time to bail. They all have to drive back to SF at 8 AM to catch a plane to the next gig. I hung out at the casino for another hour, and won enough on a slot one pull after playing off the house starter bonus to pay for my gas. Good enough. Cashed out my huge winnings of $45.75 and got my car from valet. It's free. This works. And only 10 added miles on the odometer. No biggie.

Now driving back, several things occurred to me. 1) I'm in rural California. Believe me, the hick factor is just as high as rural Montana. 2) It's a Saturday night at 1:45 AM. OK, Sunday morning. Get your own blog. 3) I am driving away from the only open business within 24 miles either way, and they serve free drinks to gamblers. Hmmmmm. Oh yeah, 4) Highway 16 is a barely two lane winding country road, and there are several surprise 35 zones and even a 25 zone. You guessed it; 50 feet past the first 35 sign was a local cop, lights off and engine running. Hiding behind a hedge. Sadly, the hedge was three feet long and maybe 18" high: The cop car was bigger, even though there was a clown at the wheel. I drove by (with several other cars about) at a polite 37. There is also one at the next slow-down, and another cop at the third. This one could have been a problem. I had trouble keeping the car going straight, because he was hiding behind a fruit stand sign that read:
"Watre"
"Persemins"
"Mandarine Ornges"

Oh gods, I wish I had stopped and taken a picture..... its hard to drive and wipe away tears and look casual all at once... The final dorky cop was rolling along at roughly 5 MPH around the last turn where the speed goes from 35 to 25 to 55 in, like, a half mile. No lights, just rolling along on the shoulder. Oaf. I down shifted just before I hit the 55 sign. Wheeeeee! I think he was still processing nerve signals when I got on 505 a few minutes later. In spite of the drive, the mistake at the box office, and the stakeout boys, if they perform there again I'm going. The casino isn't bad either. An odd mix of modern casino and local, ahem, "character". Think the people from Reno transplanted to Vegas. Or, you know, chimps with X-Boxes....

The best part of these shows is that I have an incredible time, laugh uproariously, and come away feeling completely sated. The sad part is that there is so much brilliant stuff going on, by the time I leave I have forgotten half of it. Well, or I could just be senile.