Much better waking up after this one than the last .... ^..^
I am struggling through a series of narrow passages inside an Egyptian temple of massive proportions. Luxor and Karnak combined at the height of Egypt's empire, and connected to tombs and chambers like those of the Valley of the Kings. I am following my friend, guide and mentor; the Great Raisuli (yeah, it's Sean Connery).....
We have been on a raid into this temple, trying to capture or kill an evil magus who has usurped the crown of Egypt. He is a cross between Ernst Stavro Blofeld from the Bond films, Fu Manchu, and the magus from the John Fowles novel. If he doesn't actually have magical powers, he is a superb manipulator and illusionist.
Unfortunately the hunters have become the hunted; our small group of followers have been killed or cut off from us, and the pursuit is not only hot on our trail, but are obviously trying to drive us in a particular direction. In a sudden ambush Sean and I are able to break out of the closing net, and after narrowly avoiding several traps, we race towards a possible escape. By now we are down to practically nothing in terms of weapons. I am carrying a long knife, and Sean has the short remainder of his broken sword, now barely more than a dagger itself. Our guns have long since run out of ammo, used as clubs and hammers for a while, then finally discarded.
The escape route is an illusion however; a final trap, if not the one intended. Our foe appears just moments after we have dodged into a small chamber with a narrow window to the outer world, and bars have dropped behind us. He comes up with a small guard force, and takes some time to gloat over our impending death. While he can't easily get to us through the bars, and admits he may not even know how to reset them, he laughs because we have left ourselves only two exits; through a huge labyrinth that he has never explored fully, and that none of his teams have ever come out of, or out a small doorway further along, with a drop down a sheer wall of some 60 or 70 feet, to a vast section of desert patrolled by lions and other things. He gleefully says goodbye, and closes the outer doors.
With no other choice we enter the even narrower passage into the labyrinth. As we pass one huge block of stone it slides from the side wall, closing off the route back except for a small slot 3 or 4 inches wide at the top. The channel shows both the wear and tear of water or some other liquid rushing down it at great force, as well as char marks; I don't really like to think about the options that represents. Quickly we move down the corridor, and perhaps 50 feet along we can see a pair of small doors that open outwards.
With a lot of effort we force them open. Sure enough, the drop to the ground is a long one, and we can see numerous lionesses lounging in the shade of the tall facade. Rolling desert and light veldt stretch off for miles in around, and leaning out we can see that the building is met by a wall of equal height running off as far as we can see in either direction. Perhaps 8 to 10 miles off we can see what might be a low line of bushes and scattered trees. Well away from the wall in a weirdly ordered pile what appears to be clothing of various styles is lying. As we look out we can also see that piled up against the wall between the lions and the area directly below us, another mound has grown. This looks like a heap of torn and shredded cloth, rotting corpses, and animal dung. From the direction of the possible tree line, we can now hear an elephant's call.
There is another sound, something moving about behind us. Sean declares that one of us must try to escape outside, while the other braves the labyrinth alone. He grabs my arms, lowering me as far as he can out the doorway. I begin swinging and running along the wall, trying to throw myself towards the hopefully softer pile of refuse, even though that will put me close to the now watchful lionesses. Even hanging as low as I am, a straight drop would break if not shatter both legs. With one final swing I let go of Sean's wrists and sail out towards the pile. To my surprise, I land perfectly near the top, blasting it away from me into the face of a lioness charging towards me, and rolling back down the side I come up on my feet, knife out in front of me, just in time to catch a second lion leaping at me. She dies on the blade and knocks me into the wall as her corpse butts into me. There at my feet I can see a gold and black .45 automatic; without pause I grab the gun in my left hand, jack the slide and see at least one round, and fire into the other lionesses who are now racing along the ground. Two of them drop, and the rest run away from the gunfire, stopping well out of easy range. There they sit and watch me.
Looking about I can now see other weapons scattered about, and belts still holding clips and ammo pouches, even a few packs. Shouting back at Sean I tell him to wait, and I quickly gather up two more automatics, and nearly a dozen full clips. I run back and begin throwing them up to him, with rather remarkable success. Just in time also it seems, as no sooner has he loaded the first weapon than he spins and fires three times back into the corridor somewhere. I'm yelling at him to hold on, while I try to drag over as much of the pile as I can so he can try jumping as well. He yells back that there's no time, and fires again back into the labyrinth.
All the shooting has roused something else as well; from behind what must be some obscuring low dunes a dozen or more ragged men and women are approaching, armed with a collection of broken spears, makeshift clubs, and one or two knives. I'm about to fire on them when I realize that they aren't going to attack, but are coming forward to help me, and to drive the lions off or at least keep them at bay. I shout instructions to them to carry everything they can over to a spot below the wall as fast as they can run, set up three men who show that they know how to use the guns and rifles we are starting to find to hold off any attack, and then I dive in and start lugging clothes. Within what seems like less than two minutes I have a pile almost 20 feet around and 10 high, and I yell at Sean to jump. He spins about and empties both guns as he throws himself backwards out the window. Whatever the hell is in there, he wants to make sure it can't come out after him, and breaking his neck or his back is apparently better than the alternative. As he falls towards the pile of clothes something huge and dark fills the small doorway and blocks it. It is covered in what might be a mix of feathers and fur, with scales underneath; it is also so large that all I am seeing is part of a limb and it's side, shoulder, or hip. Sean crashes into the pile and rebounds off the side much as I did; but other than "a bruised dignity perhaps" he says he is unhurt.
Now we have a bit of peace and relative safety. Sean and I quickly discover that the rag-tag band of 16 men and women are mostly survivors of our enemy's "exploration teams". Victims he has had driven into the labyrinth to either kill them or see if they make it out. A few are from expeditions led to assault the temple, as far back as 30 years ago. As we begin to search the huge pile of clothes we had used to build the mound, I see that what we have looks like the costume trailers for a dozen Hollywood costume dramas have been looted and dumped here. There are dozens of cavalry officers uniforms, including hats, boots, and even sabers; Roman Legion tunics of wool or coarse linen, along with full sets of what turn out to be very ornate gold plated Lorica; Civil War uniforms, and even French Foreign Legion gear. Scattered about underneath is an assortment of rifles, swords, handguns, and best of all crates of ammunition. Quick examination shows that none of the ammo are blanks, and all of the clothing etc. appears to be nearly new. No one can explain how it got there or why; the only possible clue comes when a pair of good horse drawn wagons are found amidst the wreckage of several others, behind another set of dunes. Any horses that might have been used have long since been taken away, or perhaps eaten by the lions. None of the survivors had ever realized there might be usable weapons there; since most of them arrived alone, they had fled the lions, often losing several others in the process. Even with 16 of them together none had felt safe trying to come back and look, until they heard our gunshots.
We rapidly get our tiny army re-clothed and armed, and barring some language barriers establish at least the start of a plan. There is no way to get back up to the still open but now blocked doorway Sean and I had leapt from; there is also no obvious gap or opening in the wall in either direction, and none of our little band know if there is water or shelter beyond what is indeed a narrow belt of light forest. No one there has ever gone beyond the forest, as the other side reveals only more hot and arid veldt. We load up the carts with the remaining weapons and ammo, including a half dozen really fancy but very functional recurve bows, with nearly 1000 aluminum shafted hunting arrows at a rough count. The mix of modern and ancient has me truly baffled; but I'm not going to look too closely at the largesse. On a whim I load up as much of the (Clothing? Costumes?) as we can haul with ease as well. I figure we can try selling the stuff or trading it if we ever reach anything besides more wall.... finally, we skin and dress the dead lions, and fill every container we have with water from a clear but tiny stream that runs nearby. With no really good choices, we agree to head north along the path of the huge wall, well away from it while still keeping it visible to scouts on our flank. It seems the best choice, as in theory going north should eventually run us into the Mediterranean. Hopefully the damn wall ends long before that, and we can find a village, or nomads, anything and anyone that are not in league with our overly cunning enemy. I look at our tiny troop; some have dressed in the gear most like what they wore originally; some have dressed for comfort, some for style, some for safety. I have one guy wearing a pair of Foreign Legion white pants, tall Confederate cavalry boots, a loose white lined tunic with a Roman Lorica breastplate over it, a pair of bracers, and a cocky cavalry hat with a feather in it. He has a sword on one hip, a long rifle like a Martini-Henry or Enfield slung over his shoulder, and a .45 Colt revolver on his other hip. He might well drop from exhaustion, but at least he feels safe.... and actually looks sort of stylish. Sean has somehow found what looks like Bedouin dress, with a robe, tunic and baggy pants of linen, and a keffiya and headband. I am wearing a rather eclectic mix myself; the white Foreign Legion pants with a pair of black boots, a white loose cavalry shirt with an open black officers coat, and a black cavalry hat with a feather as well. Like my oddly clothed comrade I have a sword on my left hip, the gold and black .45 on the other, and a very nice rifle stuck into the side of a cart for ready access. Time to go; we all grab a cart handle, our two scouts fan out to the sides, and we head north. The lionesses are trotting cautiously off to the other side, back towards the carcasses of their former pride mates; possibly to see what we did to them, but more likely to take advantage of the free meal. Waste not, want not.......
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
To the manners born
I never know where my mind gets the raw materials for these dreams... maybe that's a good thing.
I had just purchased tickets to see a show at a remote concert venue. Much like the Mountain Winery, this site was located in the hills, and surrounded by trees and mostly open countryside. Unlike the Winery, the hill it was located on was low enough that you could easily walk up to it from the nearby roadway in less than 20 minutes.
Rather than driving I had chosen to ride my horse; a dapple grey gelding named Bulldozer. Perhaps my favorite of all time, he was a warmblood mix, and stood almost 17 hands high. Also one of the smartest I have ever encountered, with a tiger-like love of splashing about in ponds and shallow lakes.... regardless of whether you were still in the saddle or not. Rather than ride him down the hill I chose to walk alongside him, giving him a chance to nibble at interesting flora along the way.
We reached the bottom of the road that wound up to the concert site, and turned out on to the main two lane road that ran back towards the city, perhaps eight miles away through the lightly forested low hills and shallow dells. A few other people were also walking in the area, most just getting back to cars parked along the side of the road.
I watched as one man, for whatever reason, decided to cross the road and cut across-country, down a mild slope into an area of open field surrounded by scattered trees and clumps of bushes. The field must have been close to thirty acres over all, and incredibly uneven. He was followed by another man who was planning to drive his car along a rutted path that might have been good for horses or hay wagons; I expected to see him stuck within less than 200 feet.
Turning to the left and my way back home, I was just about to remount Bulldozer when I realized that the random stands of trees and ragged patches of bushes and plants had met up with heavily trimmed and sculpted greenery. Low hedges and tall arched rows of pruned trees led off towards a huge home. We could see that the surrounding land had been leveled and sculpted, to make a slowly rising terrace effect, leaving the house standing on a plateau perhaps ten feet above the outer grounds.
The house itself covered an area at least a full square acre in size. Coming closer I saw that the entire home and a low surrounding wall had been carved in intricate detail, like a Terracotta vase. An amazing pattern of leaves, flowers, and bundles of berries had been carved into the surface, covering almost ten feet before the pattern repeated. The stone had to have been machine cut, so precise was the detail and the pattern. On closer inspection of the wall I saw that additional hand carving had been done, adding small but important variance to the overall visual effect. I could also see now that at random intervals, a small concave leaf-shaped area had been carved into the stone, with a minimum of four or five feet separating each indentation. The concave curves had then been painted or plated with a metallic coating, in various tones from silver, to bronze, to gold. Each little hollow had a small amount of water cupped within. The sky was slightly overcast, so it took a moment before realization struck; under full sunlight or moonlight, these little areas would act like tiny mirrors, producing glimmers of colored light amongst the carvings.
I was so enthralled by the grandeur of the home and the landscaping, it was at several minutes before I noticed an object lying in the grass that surrounded the outer wall. I stepped forward, and realized that I was looking at a gold, or gold plated, device of some sort. An outer shell of metal in delicate filigree, like fine Spanish lace, covered a faceted inner sleeve of clear glass. Inside the glass was an intricate clockwork type mechanism. I had no idea what the thing was, but I could tell that it had fallen and broken. It appeared to have been hanging from the branch of a nearby tree, when the chain supporting it snapped. I was just about to pick it up for closer inspection when another man walking on the road caught up to me.
"You should leave that alone" he told me. "The people in that home are strange, and not very friendly. We don't even know what the family's name is." He went on to tell me that they wouldn't appreciate anyone taking the object, even though it had been lying there broken for months.
"I'm not going to steal it" I told him. "I was thinking I might be able to repair it, and it's too lovely to be left just lying here. I was going to go up and ask them if they would mind."
"Don't do that!" he said. "They hate anyone coming on the property, or bothering them, or....."
That decided me. I picked up the odd device and after leading Bulldozer to a small tree where I could loop his reins, allowing him to graze the neatly trimmed lawn, I approached the house from side. I was immediately struck by the immensity of the home. It reminded me of Chambord Castle in France, though that did not have all the carving. The stone also had a ruddy tone to it, again much like Terracotta, though not so dark.
As I got closer I could see through a ground floor window into a study. The room was filled with either ornate antique furniture (or modern and very expensive replicas of antique furniture). Seated at a low study table was a woman in her early thirties, working on a laptop. Several files were open on the table top, and she was looking through a small stack of papers. She might have been pretty; but there was an air of severity to her that ruined any charms she might have. Although she was alone, she was sitting rigidly upright at the table, as though at any minute she might be graded on her posture.
I could see now that there was a side door, opening onto an inner courtyard. What I had initially taken for the front door was merely the main doorway to the courtyard. As I stepped through the door into the courtyard itself, two young women were just stepping out of the house itself. Both were dressed for riding, and they appeared to be about thirteen or fourteen years old. They spotted me instantly and before I could say a word, they both began ordering me to stay away, to keep my distance, to "vacate our home immediately".... When I spoke, they shut up instantly, as if in shock that a commoner should reply... or as if a cow had spoken Shakespeare. It did occur to me that I was wearing faded blue jeans and a simple black T-shirt, but I had gone out riding an to pick up show tickets after all , not have dinner with the President.
"I would like to speak to your mother or your father, if either is home" I said. At that point the woman I had seen in the study came out through the same door the girls had, trailed by a boy who perhaps was as old as sixteen. He stepped forward and puffed himself up, clearly planning to defend the women from the barbarian at the gates. I was certain the woman was the mother of all three; the resemblance was quite apparent.
She began ordering me off the estate, with exactly the hauteur and arrogance I had expected. I stood there silently, letting her rant and not showing any expression at all, until she began to sputter and run out of steam. When she finally said "Well?" I responded.
"I did not mean to intrude or startle you; nor was I planning on stealing this, as you implied. It would be rather foolish to come up to the front door if I was planning to steal it, would it not? I found this lying by the road, where it appears to have fallen, and I thought I would offer to repair it for you. I believe I can do so, though it is not what I do for a living. " At that point she started up again, telling me they wouldn't pay for unwanted services, and how dare I presume to... at which point I cut her off. Something she was obviously not used to. Her children's eyes nearly popped out in shock.
"I said nothing about payment, nor would I expect any. Had you paid attention you would have noticed that. Rather than listen to you rave any more, I will assume you don't care what I do with this. If I can fix it, I will send it back to you. If I can't I will return it also. Good day."
I then turned and walked out the way I had come. I could hear them talking softly behind me, and when they saw me loose and mount Bulldozer I could clearly hear both girls saying "He rides! Oh my, look at that horse! He's lovely!" The mother must have shushed them and stormed back inside; I could hear the door shut "firmly" (slamming obviously being beneath her). Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of all three children opening the door again to watch me ride off.
After I got home I discovered that I was, in fact, able to repair what turned out to be some odd mix of wind chime and clock; the intricate works inside would stir at the slightest breeze, and a small gearing device wound a spring. A metronome like arm would then begin ticking, and every two hours another bar would begin tapping the hanging chimes in sequence. I was utterly enchanted by the thing. Making sure it was carefully wrapped, I placed it in a box and then decided to add a note, written on the nicest paper I had, and in my best hand. Once again riding Bulldozer I cantered along the road and up to the false front door; I knocked loudly three times, set the box with its note down and swung back into the saddle. I was quite pleased to hear the door open, and a gasp as the woman read the note.
"I am returning your marvelous clockwork chimes, as promised. I was in fact able to repair it, though I am not a craftsman by trade. While nearly thirty hours was spent working upon it, and a small amount of materials, I do not expect payment. Should you choose to do, the cost is a note saying "Thank You". Unlike you in this glittering midden heap, I value manners far more than money."
As I rode slowly off I waved without looking back, knowing they were watching me. They could not see the nearly ear-splitting grin I would not have been able to hide.
I had just purchased tickets to see a show at a remote concert venue. Much like the Mountain Winery, this site was located in the hills, and surrounded by trees and mostly open countryside. Unlike the Winery, the hill it was located on was low enough that you could easily walk up to it from the nearby roadway in less than 20 minutes.
Rather than driving I had chosen to ride my horse; a dapple grey gelding named Bulldozer. Perhaps my favorite of all time, he was a warmblood mix, and stood almost 17 hands high. Also one of the smartest I have ever encountered, with a tiger-like love of splashing about in ponds and shallow lakes.... regardless of whether you were still in the saddle or not. Rather than ride him down the hill I chose to walk alongside him, giving him a chance to nibble at interesting flora along the way.
We reached the bottom of the road that wound up to the concert site, and turned out on to the main two lane road that ran back towards the city, perhaps eight miles away through the lightly forested low hills and shallow dells. A few other people were also walking in the area, most just getting back to cars parked along the side of the road.
I watched as one man, for whatever reason, decided to cross the road and cut across-country, down a mild slope into an area of open field surrounded by scattered trees and clumps of bushes. The field must have been close to thirty acres over all, and incredibly uneven. He was followed by another man who was planning to drive his car along a rutted path that might have been good for horses or hay wagons; I expected to see him stuck within less than 200 feet.
Turning to the left and my way back home, I was just about to remount Bulldozer when I realized that the random stands of trees and ragged patches of bushes and plants had met up with heavily trimmed and sculpted greenery. Low hedges and tall arched rows of pruned trees led off towards a huge home. We could see that the surrounding land had been leveled and sculpted, to make a slowly rising terrace effect, leaving the house standing on a plateau perhaps ten feet above the outer grounds.
The house itself covered an area at least a full square acre in size. Coming closer I saw that the entire home and a low surrounding wall had been carved in intricate detail, like a Terracotta vase. An amazing pattern of leaves, flowers, and bundles of berries had been carved into the surface, covering almost ten feet before the pattern repeated. The stone had to have been machine cut, so precise was the detail and the pattern. On closer inspection of the wall I saw that additional hand carving had been done, adding small but important variance to the overall visual effect. I could also see now that at random intervals, a small concave leaf-shaped area had been carved into the stone, with a minimum of four or five feet separating each indentation. The concave curves had then been painted or plated with a metallic coating, in various tones from silver, to bronze, to gold. Each little hollow had a small amount of water cupped within. The sky was slightly overcast, so it took a moment before realization struck; under full sunlight or moonlight, these little areas would act like tiny mirrors, producing glimmers of colored light amongst the carvings.
I was so enthralled by the grandeur of the home and the landscaping, it was at several minutes before I noticed an object lying in the grass that surrounded the outer wall. I stepped forward, and realized that I was looking at a gold, or gold plated, device of some sort. An outer shell of metal in delicate filigree, like fine Spanish lace, covered a faceted inner sleeve of clear glass. Inside the glass was an intricate clockwork type mechanism. I had no idea what the thing was, but I could tell that it had fallen and broken. It appeared to have been hanging from the branch of a nearby tree, when the chain supporting it snapped. I was just about to pick it up for closer inspection when another man walking on the road caught up to me.
"You should leave that alone" he told me. "The people in that home are strange, and not very friendly. We don't even know what the family's name is." He went on to tell me that they wouldn't appreciate anyone taking the object, even though it had been lying there broken for months.
"I'm not going to steal it" I told him. "I was thinking I might be able to repair it, and it's too lovely to be left just lying here. I was going to go up and ask them if they would mind."
"Don't do that!" he said. "They hate anyone coming on the property, or bothering them, or....."
That decided me. I picked up the odd device and after leading Bulldozer to a small tree where I could loop his reins, allowing him to graze the neatly trimmed lawn, I approached the house from side. I was immediately struck by the immensity of the home. It reminded me of Chambord Castle in France, though that did not have all the carving. The stone also had a ruddy tone to it, again much like Terracotta, though not so dark.
As I got closer I could see through a ground floor window into a study. The room was filled with either ornate antique furniture (or modern and very expensive replicas of antique furniture). Seated at a low study table was a woman in her early thirties, working on a laptop. Several files were open on the table top, and she was looking through a small stack of papers. She might have been pretty; but there was an air of severity to her that ruined any charms she might have. Although she was alone, she was sitting rigidly upright at the table, as though at any minute she might be graded on her posture.
I could see now that there was a side door, opening onto an inner courtyard. What I had initially taken for the front door was merely the main doorway to the courtyard. As I stepped through the door into the courtyard itself, two young women were just stepping out of the house itself. Both were dressed for riding, and they appeared to be about thirteen or fourteen years old. They spotted me instantly and before I could say a word, they both began ordering me to stay away, to keep my distance, to "vacate our home immediately".... When I spoke, they shut up instantly, as if in shock that a commoner should reply... or as if a cow had spoken Shakespeare. It did occur to me that I was wearing faded blue jeans and a simple black T-shirt, but I had gone out riding an to pick up show tickets after all , not have dinner with the President.
"I would like to speak to your mother or your father, if either is home" I said. At that point the woman I had seen in the study came out through the same door the girls had, trailed by a boy who perhaps was as old as sixteen. He stepped forward and puffed himself up, clearly planning to defend the women from the barbarian at the gates. I was certain the woman was the mother of all three; the resemblance was quite apparent.
She began ordering me off the estate, with exactly the hauteur and arrogance I had expected. I stood there silently, letting her rant and not showing any expression at all, until she began to sputter and run out of steam. When she finally said "Well?" I responded.
"I did not mean to intrude or startle you; nor was I planning on stealing this, as you implied. It would be rather foolish to come up to the front door if I was planning to steal it, would it not? I found this lying by the road, where it appears to have fallen, and I thought I would offer to repair it for you. I believe I can do so, though it is not what I do for a living. " At that point she started up again, telling me they wouldn't pay for unwanted services, and how dare I presume to... at which point I cut her off. Something she was obviously not used to. Her children's eyes nearly popped out in shock.
"I said nothing about payment, nor would I expect any. Had you paid attention you would have noticed that. Rather than listen to you rave any more, I will assume you don't care what I do with this. If I can fix it, I will send it back to you. If I can't I will return it also. Good day."
I then turned and walked out the way I had come. I could hear them talking softly behind me, and when they saw me loose and mount Bulldozer I could clearly hear both girls saying "He rides! Oh my, look at that horse! He's lovely!" The mother must have shushed them and stormed back inside; I could hear the door shut "firmly" (slamming obviously being beneath her). Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of all three children opening the door again to watch me ride off.
After I got home I discovered that I was, in fact, able to repair what turned out to be some odd mix of wind chime and clock; the intricate works inside would stir at the slightest breeze, and a small gearing device wound a spring. A metronome like arm would then begin ticking, and every two hours another bar would begin tapping the hanging chimes in sequence. I was utterly enchanted by the thing. Making sure it was carefully wrapped, I placed it in a box and then decided to add a note, written on the nicest paper I had, and in my best hand. Once again riding Bulldozer I cantered along the road and up to the false front door; I knocked loudly three times, set the box with its note down and swung back into the saddle. I was quite pleased to hear the door open, and a gasp as the woman read the note.
"I am returning your marvelous clockwork chimes, as promised. I was in fact able to repair it, though I am not a craftsman by trade. While nearly thirty hours was spent working upon it, and a small amount of materials, I do not expect payment. Should you choose to do, the cost is a note saying "Thank You". Unlike you in this glittering midden heap, I value manners far more than money."
As I rode slowly off I waved without looking back, knowing they were watching me. They could not see the nearly ear-splitting grin I would not have been able to hide.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
2012 Olympic Ceremony; Genius Spotting
I was utterly spellbound watching the spectacular 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, created by Danny Boyle. I was going to watch it again before writing my impressions, and take some specific notes so I didn't get out of sequence or forget things. Pfffft. Within 10 minutes of the second playing, I realized I had forgotten to take a single note. So with apologies in advance for any errors or oversights, here I go.
The ceremony began with a video segment titled "Isles of Wonder", and began by tracing the Thames from its origin point through to the heart of London. Along the way, various classic pastoral images from the countryside began to mix with images of the high-speed rail, the subway (tubes or Underground if you prefer) and the more industrial areas along the banks. This was deftly underscored by music as varied as were the images; I heard one section that sounded like a baroque song written for Henry VIII, as well as assorted choral and pastoral music and I think some Andrew Lloyd Webber (not Cats...). As the camera got closer to London, I heard Pink Floyd (they also had a giant pig flying from a building... YAY Danny!) as well as "London Calling" by The Clash, "God Save the Queen" (in the London Underground stations) by The Sex Pistols (bold!) and some Eric Clapton, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, David Bowie.... and Meredith Veira couldn't help singing along a bit. Oh, some band called "The Beatles" got time as well... I loved the use of a whole gamut of music here, and the very British sly poke at its own stodgy image, using music by the Sex Pistols.
All of this ended with the lights in the stadium revealing the first part of over 10,000 volunteers from all across the United Kingdom, who played key roles in the ceremony from start to fin¬ish. This first group was 10 clusters of children holding huge balloon batches numbered 10 to 1, which burst as a group as the entire stadium counted down. This was cute but not very inspiring. I was underwhelmed, after the superb video start. Little did I know.
The British cyclist (Brad Wiggins; had to look it up) who won the Tour de France days earlier came out and rang the world's largest tuned bell, cast for the show at Whitechapel Foundry. The bell was inscribed with part of a line from Shakespeare's "The Tempest": "Be not afraid, the isle is full of noises". This was part of the underlying and unifying theme of Boyles ceremony, bringing in diverse elements of historic UK culture that influenced the whole world. After the bell was wrung, the ceremony itself began inside the stadium. The entire floor of the stadium was covered in real sod, with a small replica English village, and a towering replica of Gastonbury Tor. A 9 year old boy began singing "Jerusalem" A Capella; and American Idol/The Voice hopefuls be warned; this kid can take all of you. Hands down. From there three other choral groups each took turns, singing similarly informal anthems for Ireland, "Danny Boy", and for Scotland and Wales in turn. I don't know what those were; they were still wonderful to hear.
The pace accelerated here, and Kenneth Brannagh came out as part of a group of Victorian businessmen, ushering in the Industrial Revolution. Brannagh delivered more of the "be not afraid" speech, and as he did so the hundreds of people who were portraying villagers were joined by men and women in Victorian workers clothing. The sections of sod were rolled up and carried out, and smokestacks began to rise from the now cobblestoned and "industrial" looking flooring that had been under the sod. Workers began to forge a huge ring in the center of the stadium, and as four other rings flew in from the rim of the stadium the center ring was raised to join them, forming the linked Olympic logo. Lighting and then some excellent pyro finished that segment. If you ever want to know what a Union Stagehand Rigger does, all the flying/lifting/suspended stuff was their work. Way to go rigging crews! Amazing! I might have used Derek Jacoby instead of Kenneth Brannagh, but that's just me.
There was a silent moment to honor the men and women lost in the two World Wars, then 1000 percussionists began to play syncopated cadence led by a woman who had been deaf since the age of 11... and yeah, I had to look her name up again. Dame Evelyn Glennie. She was awesome. Drummers and aspiring drummers, watch this show. These people basically kept playing from this point in the show until the end of the Procession of Countries...... about 2 hours.
More nods, and a few winks, to elements of British society here. A parade of people dressed ala "Sgt. Pepper", some mods, a group of Daleks (I think so anyway) and the Chelsea Pensioners, an organized group of retired British military. I think they did a "set change here; hard to tell, the way NBC kept cutting away for commercials. Take a page from the BBC for these things American Television; put your advertisers in a small clump just before the event starts. If there is a planned intermission or break, stick more in there, and leave the rest for after the finale. Better still..... use sponsors, run NO ads, and let us watch the event. It's not like you would go bankrupt if you did that, what, once every two years?
So, off the soapbox. Another short video clip, which took a minute for me to catch on to. Daniel Craig as James Bond, escorting HRH to a waiting helicopter in the Buckingham Palace courtyard. Great little bit as Daniel stood in the Queens small chamber.. where she sat writing a note, her back to him.... until he very politely "coughed". She turned around to look at him a moment later, and yes, I am certain that was in fact herself, Queen Elizabeth II. The helicopter took off, becoming a CGI for a bit, until appearing above the stadium. After looking down at the crowd, surveying the sky and the stadium as well... Bond jumped out of the helicopter, followed by the Queen, and they parasailed down to an area just outside the stadium. Yes, real parasailing people... dressed as Bond and Liz2. Really, folks, she's like 85 years old... again, a note of humor injected into what could easily be as sonorous as a Catholic wedding with full mass.
The queen herself then made her more stately entrance, along with Phillip, and of course William and Kate. The Queen was announced to the crowd, and the second part of the ceremony began. The lead in was a horde of doctors and nurses pushing beds with "patients" into the center area, representing the Greater Ormond Street Hospital, which is funded in major part by the estate of J.M. Barrie. These were in fact actual nurses and doctors from the hospital, who also volunteered their time and efforts. They pushed the self-illuminating beds in to form the smiling face and "GOSH", the hospital logo (probably visible from space) I think this also sent an unintended message to anyone who thinks "Socialized" medicine is evil... i.e. Tea Party and Republican half wits. It has worked just fine for 200 years in the UK folks. Doctors and nurses don't live in poverty, chained together like slaves, and the country is not overrun with communists and hippies.... sigh, OK, moving on...
They did a great little performance bit, with a short narrative from "Peter Pan" read by a (terrified) J.K. Rowling, then a group of baddies form English children's literature appeared; Captain Hook, the Red Queen, Voldemort.. and yay! Cruella DeVille! The children panicked until a horde of Mary Poppinseses.... Poppins's, Poppin Fresh... crap, a bunch of flying Nannies arrived on umbrellas. Nice work again rigging and flying crews! I mean, what else would you use to chase off evil? Mike Oldfield led a band performing a variant of his "Tubular Bells" under this whole segment.
That was followed by the London Symphony Orchestra, with Rowan Atkinson featured both as a pianist playing one note under the score... and getting bored so he dreams he's running in a modded clip from "Chariots of Fire".. cute, but not one of my favorite bits. Rowan can be screamingly funny, or hopelessly tedious. He was brilliant in "Black Adder". That segued into a pop culture segment with a boy and girl meeting through the medium of her lost cell phone, and featuring a medley of pop tunes from the last 40 years or so, ending with them meeting in person and kissing. Sigh. Cell phones... again. This also featured one of the best effects used in the presentation. Each seat in the stadium was equipped with an LED panel, and this allowed the entire stadium to used like a giant video wall. Remarkable effect. This was used just often enough to be compelling, not so often as to be predictable.
The torch was shown being carried on a speedboat along the Thames, driven by David Beckham. The parade of nations began, and all 204 nations had a flag bearer, who planted the flag on arrival at a designated point on the Glastonbury Tor, as well as a girl for each carrying a "copper petal", a sort of curled leaf or flower of smooth copper, about the size you would use to scoop watermelons up... I had no clue what these were for until later. The parade went by at nearly a trot; even the coverage people kept saying they had to skip notes and stuff to keep up. I think that, without the damn commercial breaks, all 204 countries entered and took their positions in under an hour. With the NBC breaks every eight minutes, it took almost half the total broadcast time.
Finally, time for the torch. Sir Steve Redgrave carried it from the Thames into the stadium where he lit a torch carried in turn by seven young athletes, all nominated by Olympians (that sounds weird), and they proceeded up to where all the copper "petals" had been laid in the center of the stadium. Each one of the seven lit their own torch from the original, then lit a spot on the outer ring of petals. Now I got to see the purpose; each petal formed a part of a ring of gas nozzles, fed through tubes they were now mounted on the ends of. Petals ignited until the entire 204 formed a gorgeous blazing ring, and then the tubes lifted up en masse to form a single unified "bowl" of flames, standing perhaps thirty feet high. Once again the theme of diversity and unification. Sir Paul McCartney was the final bit, playing "Hey Jude" and getting the stadium to sing along, and then the final, awesome, but never long enough, pyrotechnics show. Rings of fire racing about the stadium edge, firing off the Tower Bridge and seemingly all of the East End, and much of London.
I have seen a lot of posts about how this wasn't as good as Beijing, and how it was confusing, or weird, and of course how London wasn't as well organized as some guys 2002 effort. I disagree; casually with the Beijing fans. That was a spectacular show, and certainly a light year beyond Atlanta... but it had the virtue of being very ambitious, and a first. It was certainly extravagant, very carefully planned, and meticulously executed... but that was also part of its failing from my perspective. Certainly this show was just as carefully planned, and everything appeared to happen precisely when and as it was supposed to, yet the whole montage felt much looser and more playful. Certainly it embraced the rather unpredictable nature (to us barbarians) of British society. As for the other, well, I can't imagine why Romney showed up. I think the usher should have looked at the passes for Mitt and Anne and said:
"Sorry sir, These don't seem to be any good. Bit disorganized if you ask me, but what's a chap to do? Security, see these good people the exit if you please..."
The ceremony began with a video segment titled "Isles of Wonder", and began by tracing the Thames from its origin point through to the heart of London. Along the way, various classic pastoral images from the countryside began to mix with images of the high-speed rail, the subway (tubes or Underground if you prefer) and the more industrial areas along the banks. This was deftly underscored by music as varied as were the images; I heard one section that sounded like a baroque song written for Henry VIII, as well as assorted choral and pastoral music and I think some Andrew Lloyd Webber (not Cats...). As the camera got closer to London, I heard Pink Floyd (they also had a giant pig flying from a building... YAY Danny!) as well as "London Calling" by The Clash, "God Save the Queen" (in the London Underground stations) by The Sex Pistols (bold!) and some Eric Clapton, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, David Bowie.... and Meredith Veira couldn't help singing along a bit. Oh, some band called "The Beatles" got time as well... I loved the use of a whole gamut of music here, and the very British sly poke at its own stodgy image, using music by the Sex Pistols.
All of this ended with the lights in the stadium revealing the first part of over 10,000 volunteers from all across the United Kingdom, who played key roles in the ceremony from start to fin¬ish. This first group was 10 clusters of children holding huge balloon batches numbered 10 to 1, which burst as a group as the entire stadium counted down. This was cute but not very inspiring. I was underwhelmed, after the superb video start. Little did I know.
The British cyclist (Brad Wiggins; had to look it up) who won the Tour de France days earlier came out and rang the world's largest tuned bell, cast for the show at Whitechapel Foundry. The bell was inscribed with part of a line from Shakespeare's "The Tempest": "Be not afraid, the isle is full of noises". This was part of the underlying and unifying theme of Boyles ceremony, bringing in diverse elements of historic UK culture that influenced the whole world. After the bell was wrung, the ceremony itself began inside the stadium. The entire floor of the stadium was covered in real sod, with a small replica English village, and a towering replica of Gastonbury Tor. A 9 year old boy began singing "Jerusalem" A Capella; and American Idol/The Voice hopefuls be warned; this kid can take all of you. Hands down. From there three other choral groups each took turns, singing similarly informal anthems for Ireland, "Danny Boy", and for Scotland and Wales in turn. I don't know what those were; they were still wonderful to hear.
The pace accelerated here, and Kenneth Brannagh came out as part of a group of Victorian businessmen, ushering in the Industrial Revolution. Brannagh delivered more of the "be not afraid" speech, and as he did so the hundreds of people who were portraying villagers were joined by men and women in Victorian workers clothing. The sections of sod were rolled up and carried out, and smokestacks began to rise from the now cobblestoned and "industrial" looking flooring that had been under the sod. Workers began to forge a huge ring in the center of the stadium, and as four other rings flew in from the rim of the stadium the center ring was raised to join them, forming the linked Olympic logo. Lighting and then some excellent pyro finished that segment. If you ever want to know what a Union Stagehand Rigger does, all the flying/lifting/suspended stuff was their work. Way to go rigging crews! Amazing! I might have used Derek Jacoby instead of Kenneth Brannagh, but that's just me.
There was a silent moment to honor the men and women lost in the two World Wars, then 1000 percussionists began to play syncopated cadence led by a woman who had been deaf since the age of 11... and yeah, I had to look her name up again. Dame Evelyn Glennie. She was awesome. Drummers and aspiring drummers, watch this show. These people basically kept playing from this point in the show until the end of the Procession of Countries...... about 2 hours.
More nods, and a few winks, to elements of British society here. A parade of people dressed ala "Sgt. Pepper", some mods, a group of Daleks (I think so anyway) and the Chelsea Pensioners, an organized group of retired British military. I think they did a "set change here; hard to tell, the way NBC kept cutting away for commercials. Take a page from the BBC for these things American Television; put your advertisers in a small clump just before the event starts. If there is a planned intermission or break, stick more in there, and leave the rest for after the finale. Better still..... use sponsors, run NO ads, and let us watch the event. It's not like you would go bankrupt if you did that, what, once every two years?
So, off the soapbox. Another short video clip, which took a minute for me to catch on to. Daniel Craig as James Bond, escorting HRH to a waiting helicopter in the Buckingham Palace courtyard. Great little bit as Daniel stood in the Queens small chamber.. where she sat writing a note, her back to him.... until he very politely "coughed". She turned around to look at him a moment later, and yes, I am certain that was in fact herself, Queen Elizabeth II. The helicopter took off, becoming a CGI for a bit, until appearing above the stadium. After looking down at the crowd, surveying the sky and the stadium as well... Bond jumped out of the helicopter, followed by the Queen, and they parasailed down to an area just outside the stadium. Yes, real parasailing people... dressed as Bond and Liz2. Really, folks, she's like 85 years old... again, a note of humor injected into what could easily be as sonorous as a Catholic wedding with full mass.
The queen herself then made her more stately entrance, along with Phillip, and of course William and Kate. The Queen was announced to the crowd, and the second part of the ceremony began. The lead in was a horde of doctors and nurses pushing beds with "patients" into the center area, representing the Greater Ormond Street Hospital, which is funded in major part by the estate of J.M. Barrie. These were in fact actual nurses and doctors from the hospital, who also volunteered their time and efforts. They pushed the self-illuminating beds in to form the smiling face and "GOSH", the hospital logo (probably visible from space) I think this also sent an unintended message to anyone who thinks "Socialized" medicine is evil... i.e. Tea Party and Republican half wits. It has worked just fine for 200 years in the UK folks. Doctors and nurses don't live in poverty, chained together like slaves, and the country is not overrun with communists and hippies.... sigh, OK, moving on...
They did a great little performance bit, with a short narrative from "Peter Pan" read by a (terrified) J.K. Rowling, then a group of baddies form English children's literature appeared; Captain Hook, the Red Queen, Voldemort.. and yay! Cruella DeVille! The children panicked until a horde of Mary Poppinseses.... Poppins's, Poppin Fresh... crap, a bunch of flying Nannies arrived on umbrellas. Nice work again rigging and flying crews! I mean, what else would you use to chase off evil? Mike Oldfield led a band performing a variant of his "Tubular Bells" under this whole segment.
That was followed by the London Symphony Orchestra, with Rowan Atkinson featured both as a pianist playing one note under the score... and getting bored so he dreams he's running in a modded clip from "Chariots of Fire".. cute, but not one of my favorite bits. Rowan can be screamingly funny, or hopelessly tedious. He was brilliant in "Black Adder". That segued into a pop culture segment with a boy and girl meeting through the medium of her lost cell phone, and featuring a medley of pop tunes from the last 40 years or so, ending with them meeting in person and kissing. Sigh. Cell phones... again. This also featured one of the best effects used in the presentation. Each seat in the stadium was equipped with an LED panel, and this allowed the entire stadium to used like a giant video wall. Remarkable effect. This was used just often enough to be compelling, not so often as to be predictable.
The torch was shown being carried on a speedboat along the Thames, driven by David Beckham. The parade of nations began, and all 204 nations had a flag bearer, who planted the flag on arrival at a designated point on the Glastonbury Tor, as well as a girl for each carrying a "copper petal", a sort of curled leaf or flower of smooth copper, about the size you would use to scoop watermelons up... I had no clue what these were for until later. The parade went by at nearly a trot; even the coverage people kept saying they had to skip notes and stuff to keep up. I think that, without the damn commercial breaks, all 204 countries entered and took their positions in under an hour. With the NBC breaks every eight minutes, it took almost half the total broadcast time.
Finally, time for the torch. Sir Steve Redgrave carried it from the Thames into the stadium where he lit a torch carried in turn by seven young athletes, all nominated by Olympians (that sounds weird), and they proceeded up to where all the copper "petals" had been laid in the center of the stadium. Each one of the seven lit their own torch from the original, then lit a spot on the outer ring of petals. Now I got to see the purpose; each petal formed a part of a ring of gas nozzles, fed through tubes they were now mounted on the ends of. Petals ignited until the entire 204 formed a gorgeous blazing ring, and then the tubes lifted up en masse to form a single unified "bowl" of flames, standing perhaps thirty feet high. Once again the theme of diversity and unification. Sir Paul McCartney was the final bit, playing "Hey Jude" and getting the stadium to sing along, and then the final, awesome, but never long enough, pyrotechnics show. Rings of fire racing about the stadium edge, firing off the Tower Bridge and seemingly all of the East End, and much of London.
I have seen a lot of posts about how this wasn't as good as Beijing, and how it was confusing, or weird, and of course how London wasn't as well organized as some guys 2002 effort. I disagree; casually with the Beijing fans. That was a spectacular show, and certainly a light year beyond Atlanta... but it had the virtue of being very ambitious, and a first. It was certainly extravagant, very carefully planned, and meticulously executed... but that was also part of its failing from my perspective. Certainly this show was just as carefully planned, and everything appeared to happen precisely when and as it was supposed to, yet the whole montage felt much looser and more playful. Certainly it embraced the rather unpredictable nature (to us barbarians) of British society. As for the other, well, I can't imagine why Romney showed up. I think the usher should have looked at the passes for Mitt and Anne and said:
"Sorry sir, These don't seem to be any good. Bit disorganized if you ask me, but what's a chap to do? Security, see these good people the exit if you please..."
Friday, July 27, 2012
What's on my mind? Way too much....
OK Facebook, you put this empty box on my page that says "What's on your mind?" So here it is 2AM, and I'm wide awake, and since you asked....
1) Mitt Romney. How can anyone want him as president? He supported sending jobs overseas, at the expense of US workers.... who are now out of work. He took credit for "saving" the US Olympics in 2002... using 100 BILLION in federal funding. Foreign policy credentials? I think they are stuck on the bottom of his shoe. If you can get it out of his mouth you might be able to read them. It's a short list. If you don't like Obama, fine. If you think that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the bank collapse and Unemployment are his fault, well, you are entitled to your opinion. I just widh you would base it on facts, not lies you get told.
2) The Tea Party. I simply fail to understand them at all. They all need to abandon the birth certificate/Muslim/Socialist talk about Obama, and admit to owning one or more of those special sets of white sheets. That is the only explanation for them I can find.
3) Anti-gun AND gun nuts. Meet in the middle you morons. It's 250 years too late to disarm the citizens; and we hae gun control laws. Put the same registration/delay/background checks on ALL guns. Police departments, stop making excuses about manpower shortages to do the background checks. There are these things called "computers", and the internet... for what you pay in overtime in one month, you could hire 12 people to do the work, and buy them new laptops. In case you hadn't noticed, there are lot of skilled workers who need jobs. Speaking of which... stop paying overtime. Hire more officers.
4) Anti-abortionist/Abortionists. Same problem, though much simpler. If you don't think abortion is right, don't get one. How dare you tell other people what they can and cannot do, when it has no effect on you or your life. I support your right to voice your opinion about it being wrong, for whatever reason. And (surprise) I support your stand that abortion is not a method of birth control. It is a medical, and a PERSONAL decision, and only the mothers final say matters. It is a hard choice for almost any woman to make; stop making it worse, and stop lying and showing false imagery. If you wave "Right to Life" signs about, then bomb a clinic or attack people, you are a hypocrite and a criminal. Period. I also want you to ask yourself this; how would you feel if you were told you could no longer go to church, or have any medical care at all? Abortion supporters; stop stirring the pot. Show the world how things really work... and stick to that process. Don't lie. Above all, if you see a girl five times in 8 months, she needs help and counseling and maybe brains... not her fifth abortion at the age of 16. (Yes. I saw TWO of these).
5) Anti gay/anti gay marriage. Again, how dare you. Do I come in to your house and tell you what to do, and what not to? Do I declare your actions immoral, and cite a "higher power" and a collection of stories, parables and dogma as my justification? I don't like basketball. I think it's boring and silly. Therefore, all basketball games are ended forever, especially since only mutants play it. If you have a hoop stuck on your roof, I will arrest you after I beat you up. If you are OK with that, go ahead and protest gay marriage and beat up gay people. I'll be over shortly.
6) American industry. Why are we so stressed all the time? Simple. Some idiot threw away everything we learned about business in the 50's and 60's, everything we learned about freedom and people since 1776, and told HR heads that profit sharing was bad, and merit increases, and Cost of Living... then they got bean counters to go along, and present numbers showing how much more profit could be made if workers were expected to be there 50 to 60 hours a week, and get paid for only 40. Workers should also take time off from work if they are sick... but if you are sick too often, because you are over-stressed, you get a black mark. If our business model is so much better, why aren't all the other countries bankrupt, and buying American products because it's the only stuff that works?
7) Health care. It's not "Obamacare". Knock that off. It's also not "socialist medicine". Unless Hawaii is a socialist country hiding as a US state... same for Canada, and Japan, and.... here is the problem. Doctors work too many hours a week, and surgeons even more. So they get paid absurd salaries. Over $450,000.00 a year for a proctologist in California. Really? OK, I would have to paid a lot to look at thousands of them a year... wait, I watch TV, and Congress is on TV along with Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Phil.... time to send the networks a bill. Oh. Anyway... so doctors are overpaid and overworked. So are nurses; overworked, that is. Hospitals charge outrageous amounts above cost for everything. Example: I was charged $30.00 for surgical tape. They used about three feet. A roll is 50 yards, and costs $7.00 at Walgreens. Other charges are also inflated. The biggest cost to hospitals, doctors, nurses? Insurance. The insurance agencies are double dipping, and we keep allowing it. We get our costs raised "because of rising health care costs" which are in turn increased by the same insurers raising rates to medical professionals. I for one would cheer wildly for a complete socialist takeover of health care at this point.
Put me in charge for a year. All insurance rates would be cut by 50%, no doctor or nurse would work over 40 hours in one week or 8 hours in one day, fewer mistakes would be made in treatment and surgery, and medical care would be based on you and your doctors choices, not an actuary's tables. Police would have sufficient numbers to do their jobs without overtime and huge pensions; same for firefighters. Politicians would be given a mandatory 10% pay cut for each year they failed to balance the budget in a timely manner, and allowed unchecked greed and corruption to ruin our economy and our way of life. And no one, NO ONE, would be expected to sacrifice their time and their personal pleasures to earn a living. 40 hours work, 40 hours pay. Vacations. Raises. Health care.
The unemployment ranks would dwindle, as many would find themselves with new jobs and careers, and the only people out of work would be the parasitic, grasping, self-involved so called leaders and "captains of industry" and career politicians who represent not the people, but the lobbyists and financial backers.
There, maybe now I can sleep. Write me in when you vote in November... wouldn't THAT be a wakeup call to Washington. "Who? The president is who? Where the hell did HE come from????"
1) Mitt Romney. How can anyone want him as president? He supported sending jobs overseas, at the expense of US workers.... who are now out of work. He took credit for "saving" the US Olympics in 2002... using 100 BILLION in federal funding. Foreign policy credentials? I think they are stuck on the bottom of his shoe. If you can get it out of his mouth you might be able to read them. It's a short list. If you don't like Obama, fine. If you think that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the bank collapse and Unemployment are his fault, well, you are entitled to your opinion. I just widh you would base it on facts, not lies you get told.
2) The Tea Party. I simply fail to understand them at all. They all need to abandon the birth certificate/Muslim/Socialist talk about Obama, and admit to owning one or more of those special sets of white sheets. That is the only explanation for them I can find.
3) Anti-gun AND gun nuts. Meet in the middle you morons. It's 250 years too late to disarm the citizens; and we hae gun control laws. Put the same registration/delay/background checks on ALL guns. Police departments, stop making excuses about manpower shortages to do the background checks. There are these things called "computers", and the internet... for what you pay in overtime in one month, you could hire 12 people to do the work, and buy them new laptops. In case you hadn't noticed, there are lot of skilled workers who need jobs. Speaking of which... stop paying overtime. Hire more officers.
4) Anti-abortionist/Abortionists. Same problem, though much simpler. If you don't think abortion is right, don't get one. How dare you tell other people what they can and cannot do, when it has no effect on you or your life. I support your right to voice your opinion about it being wrong, for whatever reason. And (surprise) I support your stand that abortion is not a method of birth control. It is a medical, and a PERSONAL decision, and only the mothers final say matters. It is a hard choice for almost any woman to make; stop making it worse, and stop lying and showing false imagery. If you wave "Right to Life" signs about, then bomb a clinic or attack people, you are a hypocrite and a criminal. Period. I also want you to ask yourself this; how would you feel if you were told you could no longer go to church, or have any medical care at all? Abortion supporters; stop stirring the pot. Show the world how things really work... and stick to that process. Don't lie. Above all, if you see a girl five times in 8 months, she needs help and counseling and maybe brains... not her fifth abortion at the age of 16. (Yes. I saw TWO of these).
5) Anti gay/anti gay marriage. Again, how dare you. Do I come in to your house and tell you what to do, and what not to? Do I declare your actions immoral, and cite a "higher power" and a collection of stories, parables and dogma as my justification? I don't like basketball. I think it's boring and silly. Therefore, all basketball games are ended forever, especially since only mutants play it. If you have a hoop stuck on your roof, I will arrest you after I beat you up. If you are OK with that, go ahead and protest gay marriage and beat up gay people. I'll be over shortly.
6) American industry. Why are we so stressed all the time? Simple. Some idiot threw away everything we learned about business in the 50's and 60's, everything we learned about freedom and people since 1776, and told HR heads that profit sharing was bad, and merit increases, and Cost of Living... then they got bean counters to go along, and present numbers showing how much more profit could be made if workers were expected to be there 50 to 60 hours a week, and get paid for only 40. Workers should also take time off from work if they are sick... but if you are sick too often, because you are over-stressed, you get a black mark. If our business model is so much better, why aren't all the other countries bankrupt, and buying American products because it's the only stuff that works?
7) Health care. It's not "Obamacare". Knock that off. It's also not "socialist medicine". Unless Hawaii is a socialist country hiding as a US state... same for Canada, and Japan, and.... here is the problem. Doctors work too many hours a week, and surgeons even more. So they get paid absurd salaries. Over $450,000.00 a year for a proctologist in California. Really? OK, I would have to paid a lot to look at thousands of them a year... wait, I watch TV, and Congress is on TV along with Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Phil.... time to send the networks a bill. Oh. Anyway... so doctors are overpaid and overworked. So are nurses; overworked, that is. Hospitals charge outrageous amounts above cost for everything. Example: I was charged $30.00 for surgical tape. They used about three feet. A roll is 50 yards, and costs $7.00 at Walgreens. Other charges are also inflated. The biggest cost to hospitals, doctors, nurses? Insurance. The insurance agencies are double dipping, and we keep allowing it. We get our costs raised "because of rising health care costs" which are in turn increased by the same insurers raising rates to medical professionals. I for one would cheer wildly for a complete socialist takeover of health care at this point.
Put me in charge for a year. All insurance rates would be cut by 50%, no doctor or nurse would work over 40 hours in one week or 8 hours in one day, fewer mistakes would be made in treatment and surgery, and medical care would be based on you and your doctors choices, not an actuary's tables. Police would have sufficient numbers to do their jobs without overtime and huge pensions; same for firefighters. Politicians would be given a mandatory 10% pay cut for each year they failed to balance the budget in a timely manner, and allowed unchecked greed and corruption to ruin our economy and our way of life. And no one, NO ONE, would be expected to sacrifice their time and their personal pleasures to earn a living. 40 hours work, 40 hours pay. Vacations. Raises. Health care.
The unemployment ranks would dwindle, as many would find themselves with new jobs and careers, and the only people out of work would be the parasitic, grasping, self-involved so called leaders and "captains of industry" and career politicians who represent not the people, but the lobbyists and financial backers.
There, maybe now I can sleep. Write me in when you vote in November... wouldn't THAT be a wakeup call to Washington. "Who? The president is who? Where the hell did HE come from????"
Friday, May 18, 2012
The Perils of Performance
I sort of thought I knew what "cluster fuck" looked like. That was the Jay Chou New Years eve show at the H P Pavillion. The gig I ran away from after the FIRST day of 12 hours loading in crap that apparently none of the road crew had ever seen before, or put together. We are so used to seeing equipment and sets roll out of the trucks like parts on a conveyor belt; crew leads who direct us step-by-step through a well rehearsed dance of creation. Walking into the Jay Chou load in was like getting smacked with a frozen salmon.
Today, I did it again... except that this time it was crammed into the vastly smaller Shoreline Amphitheatre. Hours of waiting while the LD looked at the set... then his board... then the truss. Set pieces and a video wall too heavy to hang or to put on the stage, brought in anyway, and then... left sitting on the dock for four hours, while people tried to figure out how to get all this stuff on stage.
I was working on lighting... and they seemed to have no idea what they wanted to put on the three trusses we had. OR where to run all the control cables. Or what should be run where. We started at 8 AM, and by 4 PM, we still didn't have all the truss in the air. It was 6 PM before we got there, and we then spent 2 more hours trying to clean up the rats nest of cabling on stage right. This included routing cable around one of the 2500 pound blocks of concrete.. yeah, that's right, a 3 foot by 3 foot concrete cube poured around a steel frame... one of twelve.....
All this for the one-shot "K-Pop" Korean pop music festival. We are going to be spending three days loading this in, for a single performance Monday night, and then we tear it all down again..... shoot me now.
So, to follow this up.... it turns out that this "KPOP" was initially going to be a private party for Google. At some point they decided to open it up to the general public... good move, as what they spent on labor for this show was astronomical. Spoiler alert for Google shareholders... roughly 60 stagehands came in Friday morning at 8 AM to load in the show. 12 hours and two meals later, they began to cut us. Some 20 people stayed until 11PM... and we were not finished. That 8 hours straight time, 4 hours overtime, and 3 hours Double time.
Then people came back Saturday, about 40 of them, to spend another 12 hour day. Most of the first 3 hours was spent waiting, while video finished up, and sound began to load in. Another key discovery here; the video wall, which our staff was told weighed well over the capacity of the roof beams to support... only weighed 3000 pounds. We could have hung that on the upstage truss along with all the lighting, and had room to spare. Maybe to hang the Artistic Director, who was 3 hours late arriving because he was "Shopping"... who began by wandering about on stage for a half hour, then asking "can we add LED lights to all the truss?" No. You don't have the money or the time to do that.
The show itself was quite successful. After rehearsing on Sunday, the show went off smoothly and was really well received by a packed crowd of over 17,000 by my estimate. "Wonder Girls" was the big hit of the night for the crowd... not so much for us. I've seen Britney Spears put more effort into looking like she was actually singing. As for the groups choreography.... well, there are only so many things you can do when the repertoire is "step left, step right, jazz hands, wave, spin". Still, they were pretty.
After that it was our turn. The stage went dark at 10:30 PM, and our crew of 70 began to load out. Lighting had to wait an hour and a half beginning at 3AM, because the upstage lighting truss had been trapped behind the scaffolding wall supporting the video wall (needlessly). So all the video had to come down first, then the top tier of scaffolding... all so we could get the 12 lights and 4 truss sections loaded. When I left at 5AM, they still had not finished breaking down and loading the scaffolding. Our poor crew of carpenters was still there at 6AM, while the rest of us were cut at 5 AM. So that came to 3 hours of regular time, and 6 hours of Double time... all in all, very lucrative for us. Not very good in terms of profit margin or efficiency.
Today, I did it again... except that this time it was crammed into the vastly smaller Shoreline Amphitheatre. Hours of waiting while the LD looked at the set... then his board... then the truss. Set pieces and a video wall too heavy to hang or to put on the stage, brought in anyway, and then... left sitting on the dock for four hours, while people tried to figure out how to get all this stuff on stage.
I was working on lighting... and they seemed to have no idea what they wanted to put on the three trusses we had. OR where to run all the control cables. Or what should be run where. We started at 8 AM, and by 4 PM, we still didn't have all the truss in the air. It was 6 PM before we got there, and we then spent 2 more hours trying to clean up the rats nest of cabling on stage right. This included routing cable around one of the 2500 pound blocks of concrete.. yeah, that's right, a 3 foot by 3 foot concrete cube poured around a steel frame... one of twelve.....
All this for the one-shot "K-Pop" Korean pop music festival. We are going to be spending three days loading this in, for a single performance Monday night, and then we tear it all down again..... shoot me now.
So, to follow this up.... it turns out that this "KPOP" was initially going to be a private party for Google. At some point they decided to open it up to the general public... good move, as what they spent on labor for this show was astronomical. Spoiler alert for Google shareholders... roughly 60 stagehands came in Friday morning at 8 AM to load in the show. 12 hours and two meals later, they began to cut us. Some 20 people stayed until 11PM... and we were not finished. That 8 hours straight time, 4 hours overtime, and 3 hours Double time.
Then people came back Saturday, about 40 of them, to spend another 12 hour day. Most of the first 3 hours was spent waiting, while video finished up, and sound began to load in. Another key discovery here; the video wall, which our staff was told weighed well over the capacity of the roof beams to support... only weighed 3000 pounds. We could have hung that on the upstage truss along with all the lighting, and had room to spare. Maybe to hang the Artistic Director, who was 3 hours late arriving because he was "Shopping"... who began by wandering about on stage for a half hour, then asking "can we add LED lights to all the truss?" No. You don't have the money or the time to do that.
The show itself was quite successful. After rehearsing on Sunday, the show went off smoothly and was really well received by a packed crowd of over 17,000 by my estimate. "Wonder Girls" was the big hit of the night for the crowd... not so much for us. I've seen Britney Spears put more effort into looking like she was actually singing. As for the groups choreography.... well, there are only so many things you can do when the repertoire is "step left, step right, jazz hands, wave, spin". Still, they were pretty.
After that it was our turn. The stage went dark at 10:30 PM, and our crew of 70 began to load out. Lighting had to wait an hour and a half beginning at 3AM, because the upstage lighting truss had been trapped behind the scaffolding wall supporting the video wall (needlessly). So all the video had to come down first, then the top tier of scaffolding... all so we could get the 12 lights and 4 truss sections loaded. When I left at 5AM, they still had not finished breaking down and loading the scaffolding. Our poor crew of carpenters was still there at 6AM, while the rest of us were cut at 5 AM. So that came to 3 hours of regular time, and 6 hours of Double time... all in all, very lucrative for us. Not very good in terms of profit margin or efficiency.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Not Grandpa's Dejah Thoris
This is not your grandfathers Dejah Thoris
Let me start by saying that as adaptations of classic novels go, the Disney "John Carter" film is closer in many respects than Peter Jackson's "Lord of The Rings"... at least by the time that Peter, Phillipa or Fran got their hands on Faramir. At the worst, it's no further off. Warhoon's are agro beasts; Tharks are not lots better until John and Tars Tarkas show them a few things. Therns are set up from the get-go as complete assholes, and of course the evil Zodangans are...back-stabbing evil guys.
And that's about it for the negatives. Visually the film is as compelling as "Avatar" in its own right, at least when seen in Imax 3D. The director also uses the 3D to enhance the breathtaking panorama of Barsoom; from the shattered cities, to the vast plains and canyons, much of which was provided by Moab, Arches, and other serene stretches of uninhabited waste. Thank you Arizona! Helium is gorgeous, the mobile city of Zodanga is pretty remarkable, and the whole thing has a very slight reddish tint to it. That includes the opening Disny logo; good work marketing department! Way to use what was learned by Warner with "Batman" and later "Harry Potter", as well as by 20th Century in "From Hell" and Universal for "Serenity" . You can start pulling the audience in and setting the tone of the film before the first scene opens.
The departures from the first E.R.B. novel "A Princess of Mars" are pretty numerous. Dejah isn't already a captive of the Tharks, for example. The Therns are messing about before John even gets to Mars. There are lots of other plot departures.... but no character departures. The things I di find a bit bothersome were that the armorer was obviously inspired more by Elven and some African sword styles than the canelure type rapier referred to in the novels. There is also none of the famous "fighting smile" or the figure eight defense. Mostly, it's John hurling himself into battle and swinging vigorously.
Dejah joins him in the mayhem. She wasn't exactly a blushing whining eye-candy in the books... but she didn't shove John behind her either, because she figured he couldn't fight. Lynn Collins also steals the film any time she shows up in frame. Which is a lot. The first time you get a look at her the hair is a bit dishevelled, she has on a sort of chain-mail type tiara... and some guy in the theatre said "...wowwww..." softly. It might well have been me. Yeah, I would leave my body in a cave here on earth to go flirt with her... no problem.
Taylor Kitsch didn't exactly inpsire me, but he worked well in every scene with Lynn. I also was not overly fond of Woola, who looked like a happy half-breed between White Shark and Salamander (they did get the ugly part right) as well being Roadrunner fast. I'm talking the car, by the way. Like 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds. The Tharks reminded me strongly of the Marvel comics drawings from the late 70's (if I recall).
This won't pull the rug from under "Avatar" by any means. I still think it was worth the price of admission, and would happily see it again. For one thing, I can just stare at Lynn the whole time... and the previews for the new Ridley Scott "Alien" franchise film "Prometheus", and "The Avengers" trailer certainly didn't hurt any.
Did I mention that Red girls are hot?
Let me start by saying that as adaptations of classic novels go, the Disney "John Carter" film is closer in many respects than Peter Jackson's "Lord of The Rings"... at least by the time that Peter, Phillipa or Fran got their hands on Faramir. At the worst, it's no further off. Warhoon's are agro beasts; Tharks are not lots better until John and Tars Tarkas show them a few things. Therns are set up from the get-go as complete assholes, and of course the evil Zodangans are...back-stabbing evil guys.
And that's about it for the negatives. Visually the film is as compelling as "Avatar" in its own right, at least when seen in Imax 3D. The director also uses the 3D to enhance the breathtaking panorama of Barsoom; from the shattered cities, to the vast plains and canyons, much of which was provided by Moab, Arches, and other serene stretches of uninhabited waste. Thank you Arizona! Helium is gorgeous, the mobile city of Zodanga is pretty remarkable, and the whole thing has a very slight reddish tint to it. That includes the opening Disny logo; good work marketing department! Way to use what was learned by Warner with "Batman" and later "Harry Potter", as well as by 20th Century in "From Hell" and Universal for "Serenity" . You can start pulling the audience in and setting the tone of the film before the first scene opens.
The departures from the first E.R.B. novel "A Princess of Mars" are pretty numerous. Dejah isn't already a captive of the Tharks, for example. The Therns are messing about before John even gets to Mars. There are lots of other plot departures.... but no character departures. The things I di find a bit bothersome were that the armorer was obviously inspired more by Elven and some African sword styles than the canelure type rapier referred to in the novels. There is also none of the famous "fighting smile" or the figure eight defense. Mostly, it's John hurling himself into battle and swinging vigorously.
Dejah joins him in the mayhem. She wasn't exactly a blushing whining eye-candy in the books... but she didn't shove John behind her either, because she figured he couldn't fight. Lynn Collins also steals the film any time she shows up in frame. Which is a lot. The first time you get a look at her the hair is a bit dishevelled, she has on a sort of chain-mail type tiara... and some guy in the theatre said "...wowwww..." softly. It might well have been me. Yeah, I would leave my body in a cave here on earth to go flirt with her... no problem.
Taylor Kitsch didn't exactly inpsire me, but he worked well in every scene with Lynn. I also was not overly fond of Woola, who looked like a happy half-breed between White Shark and Salamander (they did get the ugly part right) as well being Roadrunner fast. I'm talking the car, by the way. Like 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds. The Tharks reminded me strongly of the Marvel comics drawings from the late 70's (if I recall).
This won't pull the rug from under "Avatar" by any means. I still think it was worth the price of admission, and would happily see it again. For one thing, I can just stare at Lynn the whole time... and the previews for the new Ridley Scott "Alien" franchise film "Prometheus", and "The Avengers" trailer certainly didn't hurt any.
Did I mention that Red girls are hot?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Cirque is in town!
Again, one of the jobs that make the crappy days being a stagehand worthwhile; I just spent two days loading the new Cirque Du Soliel show "Totem" in at the San Jose location the city has set aside for them. It displaces part of the personal parking for the San Jose PD. At the highest paid salary and largest most expensive retirement pack in the US for a police force, they can stop whining about the 6 weeks it runs..
Day One was pretty hard. Two crews of 6 "carpenters", split into stage left (my group) and stage right (the slow guys).
Pluses: Trish, the CDS (Cirque Du Soliel...) crew carpenter lead for stage left, from Boston; Nick, the crew chief from Manchester; and Katy, the head carpenter, from... wait for it... Tasmania! I was having trouble placing the accent. I knew she wasn't from New Zealand, she also didn't sound Aussie... I finally asked her. "New South Wales, maybe?" She laughed and said "No, Tasmania! Good one mate, not thinking I was an Oz or a Kiwi!" very cherubic 25 year old blonde. Too bad the comment about having a beer after was, I am sure, rhetorical rather than an actual invitation... "Only one?" I asked.. she laughed and said "Well, I'm not a Aussie...but I can drink like one..."
Mehs: "Carpenter" is sometimes.... frequently.... nearly always.... a complete misnomer when working CDS. I have worked a number of the shows locally. In (I think) the correct order going back to 1997; Saltimbanco, Alegria, Quidam, Dralion, Corteo, Kooza, Ovo and two of the arena shows "Because tents are for camping!" Delirium and Michael Jackson. I have worked on the carpentry crew four times. To date, I have never touched a single piece of wood that was not already attached to an aluminum or steel frame. This show was no different. We started by building out the lower framework for the main stage. Steel cross-members, anywhere from 2 feet to 8 feet long, weighing 30 to 90 pounds each. Once we had that built, we added the decking, a 1 inch thick plywood base with a rubberized laminate top surface, covered with a front-projection capable coating of grey. Then we built a second framework above that, the platform on which the musicians sit and perform. The upper section was raised up 10 feet by a pair of forklifts (sketch! very sketch!) and we then replaced the small standoffs from the lower level with the performance steel uprights, 8 foot long 3 x 3 posts.
That took us up to lunchtime, at which point we all fled for an hour. When we came back, it was time to build the backstage flooring. This was the only real negative to the day. We had to shim all four corners of each section of decking, again a plywood and rubberized laminate on a heavy structural aluminum frame. The sections were smaller, from 2 foot by 4 foot to 4 foot by 4 foot. There were a LOT of them, unfortunately. Maybe 120 or so, for each side of the stage. The shims were small squares of plywood 3/4 of an inch thick, and each corner got a small steel plate with four short pins sticking up; these locked the floor sections together. We had to shim each section up and level it, then move on... that took 5 full hours.
Day Two was much more fun! That day was devoted to nothing but :Le Squelette", the skeleton frame of a giant tortoise shell. A framework of 3 inch diameter structural steel tubing, with a spray foam and fiberglass mat covering, painted in a dusty orange/yellow motif. There were four primary sections, each roughly 8 foot by 8 foot arched "squares", heavy enough it took our entire crew of 8 guys to lift and carry in. Then there were the connecting sections and cross members...
This gives a good idea of the scale (wish I could have found an image of the steel deck frames...). These had to be handled very carefully, as the covering was very hard to repair. Again, our CDS crew heads were excellent; Nick another down-under migrant from New Zealand this time, and Spencer, a mere Canadian. (grin)
The first order from them was simple; "Take your time; there is no rush to this." I've always found this to be typical of the CDS attitude; they don't want people loafing, but they don't want a frenzied atmosphere and screaming leads, causing an injury or damage. And injury is a constant danger. The sets, lighting, even the props are all large, many of them are very heavy, as they have to support huge amounts of weight or torque... we finished the framework well ahead of schedule, In fact, we were so far ahead that Nick offered us up to Katy again, who was thrilled to able to go work on special projects, leaving four of us to scurry about under the main stage, installing the flooring used by the clowns (mostly) to scoot about under the deck on little flat carts and pop up through trap doors.
Day One was pretty hard. Two crews of 6 "carpenters", split into stage left (my group) and stage right (the slow guys).
Pluses: Trish, the CDS (Cirque Du Soliel...) crew carpenter lead for stage left, from Boston; Nick, the crew chief from Manchester; and Katy, the head carpenter, from... wait for it... Tasmania! I was having trouble placing the accent. I knew she wasn't from New Zealand, she also didn't sound Aussie... I finally asked her. "New South Wales, maybe?" She laughed and said "No, Tasmania! Good one mate, not thinking I was an Oz or a Kiwi!" very cherubic 25 year old blonde. Too bad the comment about having a beer after was, I am sure, rhetorical rather than an actual invitation... "Only one?" I asked.. she laughed and said "Well, I'm not a Aussie...but I can drink like one..."
Mehs: "Carpenter" is sometimes.... frequently.... nearly always.... a complete misnomer when working CDS. I have worked a number of the shows locally. In (I think) the correct order going back to 1997; Saltimbanco, Alegria, Quidam, Dralion, Corteo, Kooza, Ovo and two of the arena shows "Because tents are for camping!" Delirium and Michael Jackson. I have worked on the carpentry crew four times. To date, I have never touched a single piece of wood that was not already attached to an aluminum or steel frame. This show was no different. We started by building out the lower framework for the main stage. Steel cross-members, anywhere from 2 feet to 8 feet long, weighing 30 to 90 pounds each. Once we had that built, we added the decking, a 1 inch thick plywood base with a rubberized laminate top surface, covered with a front-projection capable coating of grey. Then we built a second framework above that, the platform on which the musicians sit and perform. The upper section was raised up 10 feet by a pair of forklifts (sketch! very sketch!) and we then replaced the small standoffs from the lower level with the performance steel uprights, 8 foot long 3 x 3 posts.
That took us up to lunchtime, at which point we all fled for an hour. When we came back, it was time to build the backstage flooring. This was the only real negative to the day. We had to shim all four corners of each section of decking, again a plywood and rubberized laminate on a heavy structural aluminum frame. The sections were smaller, from 2 foot by 4 foot to 4 foot by 4 foot. There were a LOT of them, unfortunately. Maybe 120 or so, for each side of the stage. The shims were small squares of plywood 3/4 of an inch thick, and each corner got a small steel plate with four short pins sticking up; these locked the floor sections together. We had to shim each section up and level it, then move on... that took 5 full hours.
Day Two was much more fun! That day was devoted to nothing but :Le Squelette", the skeleton frame of a giant tortoise shell. A framework of 3 inch diameter structural steel tubing, with a spray foam and fiberglass mat covering, painted in a dusty orange/yellow motif. There were four primary sections, each roughly 8 foot by 8 foot arched "squares", heavy enough it took our entire crew of 8 guys to lift and carry in. Then there were the connecting sections and cross members...
This gives a good idea of the scale (wish I could have found an image of the steel deck frames...). These had to be handled very carefully, as the covering was very hard to repair. Again, our CDS crew heads were excellent; Nick another down-under migrant from New Zealand this time, and Spencer, a mere Canadian. (grin)
The first order from them was simple; "Take your time; there is no rush to this." I've always found this to be typical of the CDS attitude; they don't want people loafing, but they don't want a frenzied atmosphere and screaming leads, causing an injury or damage. And injury is a constant danger. The sets, lighting, even the props are all large, many of them are very heavy, as they have to support huge amounts of weight or torque... we finished the framework well ahead of schedule, In fact, we were so far ahead that Nick offered us up to Katy again, who was thrilled to able to go work on special projects, leaving four of us to scurry about under the main stage, installing the flooring used by the clowns (mostly) to scoot about under the deck on little flat carts and pop up through trap doors.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Susan G Komen
Abortion is a hot button for millions of people across the world. It has been an even hotter issue in the United States. Since the 1973 decision of Roe v. Wade, which so many thought finally settled the issue, it has gone from rhetoric and cold war to guerilla warfare.
According to the New York Times and the National Abortion Foundation, since 1977 there have been more than a dozen attempted murders, almost 400 death threats, 153 incidents of Assault and Battery, and 3 kidnappings, all committed against clinic workers and doctors. In the same period there have been a staggering number of attacks on property as well. The same sources report over 40 bombings, 1733 acts of arson, almost 100 attempted bombings or arsons, 619 bomb threats, 1630 acts of trespass, 1264 acts of vandalism, 100 "stink bomb" attacks, and since 1998 a stunning 655 bioterror threats have been made.
All of these acts are being and have been committed by people who claim they are fighting for the Right to Life; how they are able to reconcile that ideology with the taking of lives themselves, acts of violence and destruction remains an utter mystery. They are either a very small group of dangerously disturbed sociopaths, with remarkable resources behind them: or much more likely, a large number of zealots and ideologues, spurred on by the organizations that support anti-abortion legislation.
More than 30 years has passed since Roe v. Wade, and yet the adherents of "pro life' will simply not let go. I applaud their conviction and belief; provided that is they respect mine as well, and don't try to change my mind by assault. In fact, I agree to a limited extent with some of their points. I do not support the idea of abortion as birth control. If you choose to have sex without contraception, you pay for the abortion. You don't wait until the third trimester to have it done, either. Not and have it covered by insurance, anyway.
Even so, those two policies need to be applied intelligently. If you are raped or a victim of incest, you probably had little chance to request a condom be used. If you are in the third trimester and a doctor discovers a major health issue threatening the mother, the fetus, or both, it is then a medical necessity. In every instance the final choice belongs to one person, and one person only in my opinion; the mother.
Today we are faced with yet another glaring example of how willing the pro-life adherents seem to be to require everyone else to abide by the rules they want to enforce, while at the same time ignoring and deliberately breaking laws and rules themselves. I refer here to the decision by the Susan G. Komen Foundation to revoke funding for Planned Parenthood.
According to their initial press release on January 31st 2012, Susan G. Komen Foundations "recently adopted policy changes" forbade funding of any agency under investigation. Rep. Cliff Stearns (R Florida) had sent a letter to Planned Parenthood earlier in January 2012, informing them he was launching an investigation into violations of federal funding statutes. Several things about the timing of this were odd. Karen Handel, a staunchly anti-abortion politico, was hired as VP of Public Policy in April 2011 . On March 31st 2011 the Grant Policies and Procedures published by the foundation make no mention at all of revoking funding for a grantee who is under investigation. I can find no published record showing when in fact the foundation made these changes to policy. According to a comment by Karen Handel, these changes were approved in November 2011. However I see no such changes on file.
It seems obvious then that Karen Handel was the driving force here. Her own letter of resignation submitted on Feb 6 2012 admits this: “I am deeply disappointed by the gross mischaracterizations of the strategy, its rationale, and my involvement in it. I openly acknowledge my role in the matter and continue to believe our decision was the best one for Komen’s future and the women we serve.” Yet this is in direct contradiction to the initial statement by Handel, that she "had no involvement" in the policy changes. She also uses the word "strategy" here. If the funding was only being revoked because policy changes required it, how was it a strategy? The investigation by Stearns also reeks of collusion.
This also brings up another point. The Sarbanes Oxley act applies to non-profits and charities as well. If in fact written procedure required revoking funds to Planned Parenthood, that funding could not be restored until such time as the policy was revoked or amended. Yet according to the latest press release, the Foundation reversed its suspension of funding first, then announced it would revise the purported policy. This is not the proper order under non-profit procedures. The board would have to meet, agree to the revisions, write and approve them by vote, and only then could funding be restored. I see no indication of such meetings prior to the latest announcement.
To me the only way this becomes an open and honest examination is if Rep Stearns now requests an investigation into the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Let's see if Rep. Stearns is a true Christian, doing unto others as he would have done unto him. Or is he in fact just like all the radical right-wing anti abortion members, who will throw aside all laws, ethics and morals in order to enforce their doctrines and beliefs on the rest of us.
According to the New York Times and the National Abortion Foundation, since 1977 there have been more than a dozen attempted murders, almost 400 death threats, 153 incidents of Assault and Battery, and 3 kidnappings, all committed against clinic workers and doctors. In the same period there have been a staggering number of attacks on property as well. The same sources report over 40 bombings, 1733 acts of arson, almost 100 attempted bombings or arsons, 619 bomb threats, 1630 acts of trespass, 1264 acts of vandalism, 100 "stink bomb" attacks, and since 1998 a stunning 655 bioterror threats have been made.
All of these acts are being and have been committed by people who claim they are fighting for the Right to Life; how they are able to reconcile that ideology with the taking of lives themselves, acts of violence and destruction remains an utter mystery. They are either a very small group of dangerously disturbed sociopaths, with remarkable resources behind them: or much more likely, a large number of zealots and ideologues, spurred on by the organizations that support anti-abortion legislation.
More than 30 years has passed since Roe v. Wade, and yet the adherents of "pro life' will simply not let go. I applaud their conviction and belief; provided that is they respect mine as well, and don't try to change my mind by assault. In fact, I agree to a limited extent with some of their points. I do not support the idea of abortion as birth control. If you choose to have sex without contraception, you pay for the abortion. You don't wait until the third trimester to have it done, either. Not and have it covered by insurance, anyway.
Even so, those two policies need to be applied intelligently. If you are raped or a victim of incest, you probably had little chance to request a condom be used. If you are in the third trimester and a doctor discovers a major health issue threatening the mother, the fetus, or both, it is then a medical necessity. In every instance the final choice belongs to one person, and one person only in my opinion; the mother.
Today we are faced with yet another glaring example of how willing the pro-life adherents seem to be to require everyone else to abide by the rules they want to enforce, while at the same time ignoring and deliberately breaking laws and rules themselves. I refer here to the decision by the Susan G. Komen Foundation to revoke funding for Planned Parenthood.
According to their initial press release on January 31st 2012, Susan G. Komen Foundations "recently adopted policy changes" forbade funding of any agency under investigation. Rep. Cliff Stearns (R Florida) had sent a letter to Planned Parenthood earlier in January 2012, informing them he was launching an investigation into violations of federal funding statutes. Several things about the timing of this were odd. Karen Handel, a staunchly anti-abortion politico, was hired as VP of Public Policy in April 2011 . On March 31st 2011 the Grant Policies and Procedures published by the foundation make no mention at all of revoking funding for a grantee who is under investigation. I can find no published record showing when in fact the foundation made these changes to policy. According to a comment by Karen Handel, these changes were approved in November 2011. However I see no such changes on file.
It seems obvious then that Karen Handel was the driving force here. Her own letter of resignation submitted on Feb 6 2012 admits this: “I am deeply disappointed by the gross mischaracterizations of the strategy, its rationale, and my involvement in it. I openly acknowledge my role in the matter and continue to believe our decision was the best one for Komen’s future and the women we serve.” Yet this is in direct contradiction to the initial statement by Handel, that she "had no involvement" in the policy changes. She also uses the word "strategy" here. If the funding was only being revoked because policy changes required it, how was it a strategy? The investigation by Stearns also reeks of collusion.
This also brings up another point. The Sarbanes Oxley act applies to non-profits and charities as well. If in fact written procedure required revoking funds to Planned Parenthood, that funding could not be restored until such time as the policy was revoked or amended. Yet according to the latest press release, the Foundation reversed its suspension of funding first, then announced it would revise the purported policy. This is not the proper order under non-profit procedures. The board would have to meet, agree to the revisions, write and approve them by vote, and only then could funding be restored. I see no indication of such meetings prior to the latest announcement.
To me the only way this becomes an open and honest examination is if Rep Stearns now requests an investigation into the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Let's see if Rep. Stearns is a true Christian, doing unto others as he would have done unto him. Or is he in fact just like all the radical right-wing anti abortion members, who will throw aside all laws, ethics and morals in order to enforce their doctrines and beliefs on the rest of us.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Politics and Pride
Recently I have been watching the election coverage with more than my usual scrutiny. I have always read voting guides, the analysis of ballot measures pro and con, as well as looking at the things people running for office are saying. I have almost never voted American Independent, though in 1980 after Ted Kennedy's faux pas I was left with Jerry Brown and Carter, both of whom I thought were idiots; I voted for Anderson. In 1984 I anted John Glenn; when left with Mondale I actually thought about voting for Angela Davis, just to say I had done so; I voted for Mondale to oppose Reagan, rather than because I actually wanted him. Or the Democrats for that matter.
So here we are today; the Republican party is showing it's usual collection of verbose and divisive candidates. Almost all of whom I consider to be either complete morons like Rick Perry and Michelle Bachman, dishonest power grabbers like Romney, even more dishonest and erratic Newt Gingrich... and lets face it people; America would have to hide blushing behind our flag for four years if we chose a president named "Newt". I liked Jon Huntsman. In two interviews he was intelligent, rational, and seemed concerned over the economy. Obviously they were not going to allow him to run.
I am not oppose to Obama. I voted for him, and not just because he was not republican, or because he was black. He spoke well, I believed his stated intentions, and in spite of all the detractors, he has done a superb job. He has managed in the face of constant opposition from the republicans, combined with the now-typical laziness and lack of confrontation of the democrats, to turn around in two years what the Cheney/Rumsfeld/Bush trinity screwed up over 8 years.
Don't kid yourselves my republican friends; Cheney and Rumsfled were the power brokers there. Bush was the sock-puppet front man. Cheney and Rumsfeld got two wears going, killed thousands of our men and women, ignored hurricane Katrina until it devestated Luisiana, and then blamed FEMA, after that very administration had hamstrung them years before. They waved a paper tiger around so vehemently after 9/11 that frightened people allowed them to quash civil liberties, freedom of expression, legal and civil rights... all by waving the boogie man of invasion by Iraq or Afghanistan. Learn geography! Afghanistan is landlocked; Iraq's navy doesn't have enough men to invade the Superbowl. Plus the fatc that they are barely a presence on the Persian Gulf, and would have to violate a lot of other countries territory to sail over here. Neither is going to invade the US by plane; unless you think the former administration was actually so stupid they would miss 500 charter flights coming out of the Middle East.
No, you folks ran like Chicken Little. I'm not talking about just Republicans here, or the religious Right, or Liberal Democrats. Every single person who didn't scream at their Congressman or Senator. No one is going to invade the US physically. We have nearly 3 MILLION troops, counting active and reserve. The entire estimated military of Afghanistan would only outnumber the average fan attendance for the Cincinnati Bengals by 3 to 1; in game theory, you need anywhere from 6 to 1 odds to 8 to 1 odds to succeed. That means that the entire Iraqi army at it's height would barely be able to overrun the fans at this years Superbowl (578,259 Iraqi soldiers to 68,000 fans). You can do the exact math if you wish. Its about 8:1 odds.
Here is another fact; there are enough (registered) guns owned in the United States to arm 88 percent of the population. That include toddlers, by the way; so basically, everyone between lets say 14 and 60 could carry two weapons.... the second highest in the world is Serbia, at 56 percent. Not much invasion threat from them either. And if Mexico and Canada were to team up, they would not even match Serbia. So invading the Unites States is absurd. The enxt time you hear someone say that "We did this to protect the United States from invasion" laugh at them and call them a moron. Slap them for lying.
We did, however, allow Osama Bin Laden to win. More accurately, the Cheney Trinity did. How you ask? Simple. The object of terrorism is to inflict panic; it's not to take and hold territory, or sieze valuable resources, or any other military objective. It's to make people run around screaming "The Sky is Falling!", to behave in a way that destabilizes them. Homeland Security, the Transportation Safety Bureau, "The Patriot Act" and Rendering did that. Exactly the way Bin Laden wanted. We proved that were exactly the type of detested bully the world should hate. A Cowardly Lion of epic proportions.
Let me bug all of you with a few more tidbits;
War in Afghanistan: 2001. President: Bush (not Obama) Senate and House: Republican SOURCE: any news article
War in Iraq: 2003. President: Bush (not Obama). Senate and House: Republican.
Sub-prime Loan: 2004. President: Bush (not Obama) Senate and House: Republican.
(side note; the percent of subprime loans in 1999 was 8% on average. By 2004 it rocketed up to 20%. SOURCE: Wall Street Journal)
Bank Failures: 57 in 2007 and 2008. During the first year of Obama's term, under the budget passed by the previous Congress, 122 more banks failed. Since 2007 a total of over 400 small banks have failed, all brought down by the collapse above them. SOURCE: FDIC
For this, both parties are to blame; the Democrats did not take over majority in the Senate until 2009, and are still the majority party, Their failure to unify, or to overwhelm opposition, as well as both parties failure to compromise has paralyzed and crippled our economy. (Party Majority SOURCE: Clerk Of the United States Office)
The President DOES NOT have dictatorial powers. To everyone I saw applauding Gingrich in his New Hampshire caucus; you are sheep, or idiots. You applauded when he said that "A leader needs to be strong; to take action, even if the people are opposed to it..." that stunned me. Isn't this the same guy screaming because Obama appointed someone to an office (which he has the right to do, by the way). Isn't that saying "I don't care what you want or what you think; we do things my way". That is dictatorship.
And through all of this, where has the Tea Party been? Where were they in 2001? In 2004? In 2007? Why is it only after a black Democrat takes office that this "Tea Party" bobs to the top of the septic tank of intolerance, screaming for impeachment, and radical change... oh, wait, I answered my own question already. Intolerance. Bias. Hatred. Denial. Hypocrisy. Fraud. The earmarks of the prior administration blended with the fanatical self-righteousness of religious zealotry. Exactly the same rhetoric and attitude used by the Taliban and the Ayatollahs.
Wait. I was wrong. We did in fact get invaded. There they are, the people who want to turn us into a modern day Theocracy, where your every thought and action is under scrutiny, where dissent is punished with violence, and freedom is what they tell you it is. Nice job Mr Bush; you played your part beautifully. Machiavelli salutes you Mr. Cheney. Welcome, Great Lord Gingrich.
Cthulhu Fataghn!
So here we are today; the Republican party is showing it's usual collection of verbose and divisive candidates. Almost all of whom I consider to be either complete morons like Rick Perry and Michelle Bachman, dishonest power grabbers like Romney, even more dishonest and erratic Newt Gingrich... and lets face it people; America would have to hide blushing behind our flag for four years if we chose a president named "Newt". I liked Jon Huntsman. In two interviews he was intelligent, rational, and seemed concerned over the economy. Obviously they were not going to allow him to run.
I am not oppose to Obama. I voted for him, and not just because he was not republican, or because he was black. He spoke well, I believed his stated intentions, and in spite of all the detractors, he has done a superb job. He has managed in the face of constant opposition from the republicans, combined with the now-typical laziness and lack of confrontation of the democrats, to turn around in two years what the Cheney/Rumsfeld/Bush trinity screwed up over 8 years.
Don't kid yourselves my republican friends; Cheney and Rumsfled were the power brokers there. Bush was the sock-puppet front man. Cheney and Rumsfeld got two wears going, killed thousands of our men and women, ignored hurricane Katrina until it devestated Luisiana, and then blamed FEMA, after that very administration had hamstrung them years before. They waved a paper tiger around so vehemently after 9/11 that frightened people allowed them to quash civil liberties, freedom of expression, legal and civil rights... all by waving the boogie man of invasion by Iraq or Afghanistan. Learn geography! Afghanistan is landlocked; Iraq's navy doesn't have enough men to invade the Superbowl. Plus the fatc that they are barely a presence on the Persian Gulf, and would have to violate a lot of other countries territory to sail over here. Neither is going to invade the US by plane; unless you think the former administration was actually so stupid they would miss 500 charter flights coming out of the Middle East.
No, you folks ran like Chicken Little. I'm not talking about just Republicans here, or the religious Right, or Liberal Democrats. Every single person who didn't scream at their Congressman or Senator. No one is going to invade the US physically. We have nearly 3 MILLION troops, counting active and reserve. The entire estimated military of Afghanistan would only outnumber the average fan attendance for the Cincinnati Bengals by 3 to 1; in game theory, you need anywhere from 6 to 1 odds to 8 to 1 odds to succeed. That means that the entire Iraqi army at it's height would barely be able to overrun the fans at this years Superbowl (578,259 Iraqi soldiers to 68,000 fans). You can do the exact math if you wish. Its about 8:1 odds.
Here is another fact; there are enough (registered) guns owned in the United States to arm 88 percent of the population. That include toddlers, by the way; so basically, everyone between lets say 14 and 60 could carry two weapons.... the second highest in the world is Serbia, at 56 percent. Not much invasion threat from them either. And if Mexico and Canada were to team up, they would not even match Serbia. So invading the Unites States is absurd. The enxt time you hear someone say that "We did this to protect the United States from invasion" laugh at them and call them a moron. Slap them for lying.
We did, however, allow Osama Bin Laden to win. More accurately, the Cheney Trinity did. How you ask? Simple. The object of terrorism is to inflict panic; it's not to take and hold territory, or sieze valuable resources, or any other military objective. It's to make people run around screaming "The Sky is Falling!", to behave in a way that destabilizes them. Homeland Security, the Transportation Safety Bureau, "The Patriot Act" and Rendering did that. Exactly the way Bin Laden wanted. We proved that were exactly the type of detested bully the world should hate. A Cowardly Lion of epic proportions.
Let me bug all of you with a few more tidbits;
War in Afghanistan: 2001. President: Bush (not Obama) Senate and House: Republican SOURCE: any news article
War in Iraq: 2003. President: Bush (not Obama). Senate and House: Republican.
Sub-prime Loan: 2004. President: Bush (not Obama) Senate and House: Republican.
(side note; the percent of subprime loans in 1999 was 8% on average. By 2004 it rocketed up to 20%. SOURCE: Wall Street Journal)
Bank Failures: 57 in 2007 and 2008. During the first year of Obama's term, under the budget passed by the previous Congress, 122 more banks failed. Since 2007 a total of over 400 small banks have failed, all brought down by the collapse above them. SOURCE: FDIC
For this, both parties are to blame; the Democrats did not take over majority in the Senate until 2009, and are still the majority party, Their failure to unify, or to overwhelm opposition, as well as both parties failure to compromise has paralyzed and crippled our economy. (Party Majority SOURCE: Clerk Of the United States Office)
The President DOES NOT have dictatorial powers. To everyone I saw applauding Gingrich in his New Hampshire caucus; you are sheep, or idiots. You applauded when he said that "A leader needs to be strong; to take action, even if the people are opposed to it..." that stunned me. Isn't this the same guy screaming because Obama appointed someone to an office (which he has the right to do, by the way). Isn't that saying "I don't care what you want or what you think; we do things my way". That is dictatorship.
And through all of this, where has the Tea Party been? Where were they in 2001? In 2004? In 2007? Why is it only after a black Democrat takes office that this "Tea Party" bobs to the top of the septic tank of intolerance, screaming for impeachment, and radical change... oh, wait, I answered my own question already. Intolerance. Bias. Hatred. Denial. Hypocrisy. Fraud. The earmarks of the prior administration blended with the fanatical self-righteousness of religious zealotry. Exactly the same rhetoric and attitude used by the Taliban and the Ayatollahs.
Wait. I was wrong. We did in fact get invaded. There they are, the people who want to turn us into a modern day Theocracy, where your every thought and action is under scrutiny, where dissent is punished with violence, and freedom is what they tell you it is. Nice job Mr Bush; you played your part beautifully. Machiavelli salutes you Mr. Cheney. Welcome, Great Lord Gingrich.
Cthulhu Fataghn!
Analyze this....
So somewhere out there are people who still claim to be able to analyze dreams. I have read two books on the subject... OK, that's a half truth. I read parts of two books on the subject. I quit both times, because they were utter crap, at least where I was concerned. Not one of them had any mention or section on turning into a werewolf..... ort a 30 foot tall winged demon. Neither discussed the deep meaning of having lunch in a railcar-turned-diner filled with ghosts. At no point did they discuss being Angelina Jolie in a fantasy film about Luck Dragons and Chimera..... these are not excerpts from nightmares, by the way. These are just snippets of these unusual epic dreams I have. I get nightmares also, but they tend to run along the same lines. Two hour epics that might actually make great films, if they had more damn continuity.
This morning however I woke up from what has to rank among one of my oddest. Not because I was changing gender, or species, but because it actually had a structure.... if I had eaten some magic mushrooms and wandered around Wonderland, maybe....
It began with me meeting my friend Kimi at a huge mall, like Stanford Shopping Center. We were going to have drinks and lunch at this new trendy bar and grill. Sitting at the bar, I was fascinated by the behavior of the two waitresses. One of them seemed to be flashing customers randomly, both men and women; the other, a small blonde woman, was making the simple act of picking up empty drinks a twenty second seduction. I pointed this out to Kimi quietly, to have her watch as the blonde girl picked up an unwanted beer from my friend Elayne, who was suddenly there as well. As the waitress reached for the beer, she slowly slipped two fingers inside the glass, then made a little gasp as if surprised. Looking right at Elayne, she then put both fingers in her mouth to lick the beer off.
She took the glass and twirled away, walking back in my direction, smiling at me and winking. As she passed behind me she looked over her shoulder; then she poured the rest of the glass (quite a lot, actually) over my head. I sat there in my favorite suit, a tailored black silk one (yes, I own suits. Yes, one of them is tailored black silk from Japan.) Several people were making comments and waiting to see what I would do. For a moment I made jokes about beer being good for hair, and how nice it was to smell like yeast; then I got up and confronted the blonde girl. To my annoyance she not only had no reason for dousing me, but was angry at me for being upset by being wet and reeking of beer. When I demanded to speak to the owner or the manager she actually called me a stuffy fuck.
I moved to the back of the place, which looked more like a corporate lobby. The secretary seated there rushed about (secretary??), brought me a business card for the owner, and brought over an assistant Customer Support person... in a BAR? Meanwhile the crazy waitress was continuing to yell at me. Kimi was watching in shock, and Elayne looked more and more concerned as I visibly lost my slightly amused detachment at the incident and got angrier and angrier. What began as "I want my suit cleaned and an apology" was now "I want my suit cleaned, an apology, my hair washed and combed, a free meal, and you fired" because the waitress wouldn't shut up. I finally had enough, and as I left the waitress got right in my face. I looked at her and said "What exactly do you think you are doing?" She punched me in the mouth three times. Fairly hard. Hard enough, in fact, to knock out a tooth or two and chip some more.
Everyone froze in place as I picked out the bits of teeth and looked at them. With a now rather lop-sided grin I said "Thanks. I think you pretty much just gave me half ownership of the place on a platter." The Customer Service girl and the secretary grabbed the soon to be fired waitress and tossed her on the ground, as Kimi and I walked out. Elayne was either still inside, or had left already.
Kimi was walking out to my car with me, asking if I was OK and apologizing for choosing the place, as I put my bits of teeth in a pocket and poked about at the now vacant areas of my gums. It ached, and I had a fat lip, but nowhere near the amount of pain one might associate with broken teeth... and I was back to amused.
That is until we got to the far side of the parking structure. I was parked on the third tier, near an edge, and for some reason a helicopter had landed half way on the railing, getting the landing struts caught in the side rail and pulling it free. Below on the ground (about fifty feet) was some weird sort of flatbed/crane combo, hooked to the helicopter. Just sitting there, no one operating it, like the driver had said "Oops, lunch break. Back in 30 minutes!" and walked off. Sigh. Union Journeymen....
Naturally I had to take a closer look and see if this was being done correctly. Kimi was fascinated, and announced "I've never gotten to be in a helicopter before!" She scrambled over the broken concrete and the rail, and hopped inside the pilot area of the helicopter. Umm, yeah. Right. OK then.... "Kimi! What the hell are you doing?" She laughed and said "Oh ni-san, you always do things like this.." then yelled as the whole thing slid off and tilted forward, almost dumping her to the ground still some forty feet below her.
A crowd assembled instantly to "ooh" and "ahh" as I looked around for a way to get her out. As I leaned over the railing two men walked up to the... tow truck? ... whatever.... then began to rock it violently. One of them was Dr. Martin Luther King. No one seems at all surprised to see him there. I raced down some magically convenient stairs, just in time to see that the rocking has caused the helicopter to tip slowly forward and down, and dropped Kimi a much safer six to eight feet. Into a shrubbery arrangement that surrounds a small cemetery for victims of AIDS. I helped Kimi up as she brushed off her clothes, and Dr. King nodded solemnly to me and walked off.
We left in separate cars, but went to my house (my actual one) in order to clean up. Kimi seemed to be very flustered, while I am only damp and slightly embarrassed over the condition of the house. It's not dirty, but it was absurdly cluttered in the back. This was because I was not only sleeping in one room (my real bedroom) next to my home office (also real), I was using them for temporary storage to help some friends.
More specifically, the costume departments for TheatreWorks and Wilcox Stage Company. The office was filled around three walls with an assortment of small boxes, all over-packed with shoes, shirts, dresses, belts... my room was a bit less cluttered, but I had been in the process of emptying and sorting two boxes, the contents of which are lying on my bed, my armchair, the TV.... and around the walls are numerous hats hanging alongside my own. Teanca's witch hat from "Maskerade" hangs alongside my RenFaire hat; Emily's was hanging on the peg with my Mardi Gras hat. On a number of new pegs (hey, where did my dresser go???) are hats from "Suessical the Musical" including a big Cat in the Hat hat.
I was trying to do two things at once. Get my wet suit off, and straighten my room. Neither was really going very well. In the midst of adding a third task, putting dry clothes on, there was a knock at the door followed by someone opening it into me. Two women were there, bowing and apologizing and trying to come in, to give me my compensation for the earlier soaking and punches. In my haste I pulled on a rather bizarre smoking jacket instead of my robe, and the damn thing wouldn't close in front. I eventually gave up on holding the door while trying to dress and clean, and the women came all the way in, trailed by my brother and Kimi.
They seemed fascinated by all the clutter, and kept trying to pick things up and look at them as I explained why I had them. They are like small monkeys or little kids; as soon as I got one thing away, they picked up another. I was not really annoyed, just... puzzled and frustrated. Then I heard a whole lot of barking and yowling from the front of the house. These two women had also brought in their dogs, all of whom seemed to know me and love me. The problem was that there are about five of them, all fairly large... and our cat was freaking out, even though the dogs were paying her no attention.
The dogs were now fawning all over me, and I was petting them and trying to calm them all down. I'd given up on the robe completely, and only had on a t-shirt, underwear... and socks. Socks? I took time to put socks on? The cat was now outside, and seeing me petting other things had infuriated her. She was howling and scratching the sliding glass door, when a large squirrel ran up next to her. It was carrying a tiny rectangle of paper on which someone (probably not the squirrel, but who knows?) had written "Help Me!" The squirrel waved the paper frantically, rather like it was taped to its paw, then struck a weird pointing pose while standing on its back legs. The cat yowled at the squirrel, the squirrel darted away, and Kimi and my brother started shooing the dogs out.
This gave the two nutty ladies a chance to make a formal presentation to me of the settlement being offered; a $300,000.00 check... and a gift certificate for a free dinner and drinks for two. I didn't really have time to mull over the absurdity of this, as I had a cat to deal with. She was now hiding in the garden and I had to partially dig her out from under my Artichokes. Kimi had now vanished, because the women discovered she is wearing a garter belt with no underwear, and kept pulling her skirt up to try and get a look and some pictures. Apparently this might have made them revoke the gift certificate, as Kimi's racy lingerie was possibly what sparked the beer dunking. What?
My brother was now fully engaged with shoving them and the dogs out the front door, where a news team had gathered to interview us all. I managed to recover the bathrobe, primarily to protect myself from the still angry and struggling cat I was now carrying. I stood in the front door and watched as my brother chased off dogs, women, news teams and the squirrel by swinging our marble topped coffee table at them like a giant swatter.
I woke up from that at six thirty this morning. After a few moments of sitting there in baffled thought, I got up. No way was I going to try going back to sleep. I might have found myself actually using the gift certificate.
Meaning? to that dream? I don't think so. Oh, sure, you can say it's an expression of stress and frustration, or uncertainty... but you might also just as well say that dreaming about a rooster means I am dreaming about success. It could also mean I am worried about being dinner, don't you think? Analyze THAT Sigmund...
This morning however I woke up from what has to rank among one of my oddest. Not because I was changing gender, or species, but because it actually had a structure.... if I had eaten some magic mushrooms and wandered around Wonderland, maybe....
It began with me meeting my friend Kimi at a huge mall, like Stanford Shopping Center. We were going to have drinks and lunch at this new trendy bar and grill. Sitting at the bar, I was fascinated by the behavior of the two waitresses. One of them seemed to be flashing customers randomly, both men and women; the other, a small blonde woman, was making the simple act of picking up empty drinks a twenty second seduction. I pointed this out to Kimi quietly, to have her watch as the blonde girl picked up an unwanted beer from my friend Elayne, who was suddenly there as well. As the waitress reached for the beer, she slowly slipped two fingers inside the glass, then made a little gasp as if surprised. Looking right at Elayne, she then put both fingers in her mouth to lick the beer off.
She took the glass and twirled away, walking back in my direction, smiling at me and winking. As she passed behind me she looked over her shoulder; then she poured the rest of the glass (quite a lot, actually) over my head. I sat there in my favorite suit, a tailored black silk one (yes, I own suits. Yes, one of them is tailored black silk from Japan.) Several people were making comments and waiting to see what I would do. For a moment I made jokes about beer being good for hair, and how nice it was to smell like yeast; then I got up and confronted the blonde girl. To my annoyance she not only had no reason for dousing me, but was angry at me for being upset by being wet and reeking of beer. When I demanded to speak to the owner or the manager she actually called me a stuffy fuck.
I moved to the back of the place, which looked more like a corporate lobby. The secretary seated there rushed about (secretary??), brought me a business card for the owner, and brought over an assistant Customer Support person... in a BAR? Meanwhile the crazy waitress was continuing to yell at me. Kimi was watching in shock, and Elayne looked more and more concerned as I visibly lost my slightly amused detachment at the incident and got angrier and angrier. What began as "I want my suit cleaned and an apology" was now "I want my suit cleaned, an apology, my hair washed and combed, a free meal, and you fired" because the waitress wouldn't shut up. I finally had enough, and as I left the waitress got right in my face. I looked at her and said "What exactly do you think you are doing?" She punched me in the mouth three times. Fairly hard. Hard enough, in fact, to knock out a tooth or two and chip some more.
Everyone froze in place as I picked out the bits of teeth and looked at them. With a now rather lop-sided grin I said "Thanks. I think you pretty much just gave me half ownership of the place on a platter." The Customer Service girl and the secretary grabbed the soon to be fired waitress and tossed her on the ground, as Kimi and I walked out. Elayne was either still inside, or had left already.
Kimi was walking out to my car with me, asking if I was OK and apologizing for choosing the place, as I put my bits of teeth in a pocket and poked about at the now vacant areas of my gums. It ached, and I had a fat lip, but nowhere near the amount of pain one might associate with broken teeth... and I was back to amused.
That is until we got to the far side of the parking structure. I was parked on the third tier, near an edge, and for some reason a helicopter had landed half way on the railing, getting the landing struts caught in the side rail and pulling it free. Below on the ground (about fifty feet) was some weird sort of flatbed/crane combo, hooked to the helicopter. Just sitting there, no one operating it, like the driver had said "Oops, lunch break. Back in 30 minutes!" and walked off. Sigh. Union Journeymen....
Naturally I had to take a closer look and see if this was being done correctly. Kimi was fascinated, and announced "I've never gotten to be in a helicopter before!" She scrambled over the broken concrete and the rail, and hopped inside the pilot area of the helicopter. Umm, yeah. Right. OK then.... "Kimi! What the hell are you doing?" She laughed and said "Oh ni-san, you always do things like this.." then yelled as the whole thing slid off and tilted forward, almost dumping her to the ground still some forty feet below her.
A crowd assembled instantly to "ooh" and "ahh" as I looked around for a way to get her out. As I leaned over the railing two men walked up to the... tow truck? ... whatever.... then began to rock it violently. One of them was Dr. Martin Luther King. No one seems at all surprised to see him there. I raced down some magically convenient stairs, just in time to see that the rocking has caused the helicopter to tip slowly forward and down, and dropped Kimi a much safer six to eight feet. Into a shrubbery arrangement that surrounds a small cemetery for victims of AIDS. I helped Kimi up as she brushed off her clothes, and Dr. King nodded solemnly to me and walked off.
We left in separate cars, but went to my house (my actual one) in order to clean up. Kimi seemed to be very flustered, while I am only damp and slightly embarrassed over the condition of the house. It's not dirty, but it was absurdly cluttered in the back. This was because I was not only sleeping in one room (my real bedroom) next to my home office (also real), I was using them for temporary storage to help some friends.
More specifically, the costume departments for TheatreWorks and Wilcox Stage Company. The office was filled around three walls with an assortment of small boxes, all over-packed with shoes, shirts, dresses, belts... my room was a bit less cluttered, but I had been in the process of emptying and sorting two boxes, the contents of which are lying on my bed, my armchair, the TV.... and around the walls are numerous hats hanging alongside my own. Teanca's witch hat from "Maskerade" hangs alongside my RenFaire hat; Emily's was hanging on the peg with my Mardi Gras hat. On a number of new pegs (hey, where did my dresser go???) are hats from "Suessical the Musical" including a big Cat in the Hat hat.
I was trying to do two things at once. Get my wet suit off, and straighten my room. Neither was really going very well. In the midst of adding a third task, putting dry clothes on, there was a knock at the door followed by someone opening it into me. Two women were there, bowing and apologizing and trying to come in, to give me my compensation for the earlier soaking and punches. In my haste I pulled on a rather bizarre smoking jacket instead of my robe, and the damn thing wouldn't close in front. I eventually gave up on holding the door while trying to dress and clean, and the women came all the way in, trailed by my brother and Kimi.
They seemed fascinated by all the clutter, and kept trying to pick things up and look at them as I explained why I had them. They are like small monkeys or little kids; as soon as I got one thing away, they picked up another. I was not really annoyed, just... puzzled and frustrated. Then I heard a whole lot of barking and yowling from the front of the house. These two women had also brought in their dogs, all of whom seemed to know me and love me. The problem was that there are about five of them, all fairly large... and our cat was freaking out, even though the dogs were paying her no attention.
The dogs were now fawning all over me, and I was petting them and trying to calm them all down. I'd given up on the robe completely, and only had on a t-shirt, underwear... and socks. Socks? I took time to put socks on? The cat was now outside, and seeing me petting other things had infuriated her. She was howling and scratching the sliding glass door, when a large squirrel ran up next to her. It was carrying a tiny rectangle of paper on which someone (probably not the squirrel, but who knows?) had written "Help Me!" The squirrel waved the paper frantically, rather like it was taped to its paw, then struck a weird pointing pose while standing on its back legs. The cat yowled at the squirrel, the squirrel darted away, and Kimi and my brother started shooing the dogs out.
This gave the two nutty ladies a chance to make a formal presentation to me of the settlement being offered; a $300,000.00 check... and a gift certificate for a free dinner and drinks for two. I didn't really have time to mull over the absurdity of this, as I had a cat to deal with. She was now hiding in the garden and I had to partially dig her out from under my Artichokes. Kimi had now vanished, because the women discovered she is wearing a garter belt with no underwear, and kept pulling her skirt up to try and get a look and some pictures. Apparently this might have made them revoke the gift certificate, as Kimi's racy lingerie was possibly what sparked the beer dunking. What?
My brother was now fully engaged with shoving them and the dogs out the front door, where a news team had gathered to interview us all. I managed to recover the bathrobe, primarily to protect myself from the still angry and struggling cat I was now carrying. I stood in the front door and watched as my brother chased off dogs, women, news teams and the squirrel by swinging our marble topped coffee table at them like a giant swatter.
I woke up from that at six thirty this morning. After a few moments of sitting there in baffled thought, I got up. No way was I going to try going back to sleep. I might have found myself actually using the gift certificate.
Meaning? to that dream? I don't think so. Oh, sure, you can say it's an expression of stress and frustration, or uncertainty... but you might also just as well say that dreaming about a rooster means I am dreaming about success. It could also mean I am worried about being dinner, don't you think? Analyze THAT Sigmund...
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