Golden Rule

Here is what I don't get; the complete double standard that we STILL have to deal with, even now that the Hippy/Flower Child/Summer of Love teens are parents. How is it that they demanded change, and then fell right back in to the same rut? Why aren't the children born since 1980 more enlightened, more polite, more responsible? I just finished reading a post by Chris Brecheen; here's the link to the article: http://www.readability.com/read?url=http%3A%2F%2Fchrisbrecheen.blogspot.com.au%2F2013%2F07%2Fchanging-creepy-guy-narrative.html%3Fm%3D1
I was born into the upper middle class. My parents divorced when I was nine. My mom raised my brother and I, and never re-married. I don't recall any heavy-handed "No means no!" or "Women are people too!" lectures or rants. Is that why I don't act like the antagonist in this story? I don't think so. Was it theatre? I had some amazing role-models growing up, and as a teen boy several of the older men in the theatre companies "pitched in" to help, even if they were not dating my mother. Was that it? Again, I don't think so.

I'm also a pagan by nature and by choice. More to the point I am what has come to be known as Wiccan. I'm not obsessive about it; I don't advertise it with stickers on my cars, I don't talk about it incessantly, and I don't wear layers of intricate black lace, or pointy hats and robes with stars and moons on them. Except on special days. Wicca is about balance and equality in all things, including gender. Is that why? No, though it might contribute now.

I have met a number of confident, smart, talented, and yes, gorgeous women over the years, many in theatre of course. You all know who you are. Becky. Cathy. Barb. Val. Marge. Cory. Lyn. Some I was even lucky enough to date... you know who you are as well (grin). Are these women the reason I am not a "douchecanoe" (thanks for that new word Chris) when it comes to women? Once more, I don't think so.

I've been attracted to women for about as long as I can recall. I was flirting (badly) with older girls by the age of seven. If you want to know, that involved showing off my new bike to two ten year old girls from the neighborhood. I rode in a very tiny circle around them as they walked. Until I tipped over and crashed. The training wheels had only come off the week before. They laughed, helped me up, and walked off still laughing. Sigh. At the age of twelve on my first solo flight from California to New York, I hit on two college freshman sitting next to me. I didn't get any phone numbers.... but I did get a glass of wine.

Regardless, I am interested in women. A lot. I might have been interested in the girl on the BART train, especially if she was reading a Game of Thrones novel. I might even have said "How do you like.... " or "Did you just start reading them.." or "Is Peter Dinklage owning that role and that show, or what?" What I would not have done was keep on going if she said "I'm trying to read" or had just given me blank face. I would have nodded, maybe said "Sorry" and gone back to just sitting there. Nor would I have thought "You bitch."

Why is that? I've had some pretty snotty and, in my opinion, uncalled for reactions by women over the years. Once at a club I saw three women sitting at a table; I noticed after a while that none of them had dates lurking about. I walked over and asked one of them to dance. She looked me up and down like a butcher checking out a side of beef, slowly, then looked me in the eye and said "I don't think so" in a tone that was decidedly rude. "I was asking if you wanted to dance, not blow me in the parking lot." Turning to one of the others I said "Can I ask you to dance?" That one laughed and said "Sure". I once stopped to get gas, and as I was filling the tank a very pretty girl drove up. When she got out of her car she looked over at me. I nodded and, using all my years of practice and my skills, I said "Evening"... or "Hi" (mad skillz I have, yes.....). "Fuck off" was not the response I expected. "Rude much? I was being polite. Bitch." Yeah. I did that. Because the instant hostility from her was, in my opinion, uncalled for and unnecessary.

See, here's the thing. If I ask a woman to dance, that's all I am asking. "Hi" means hi. "Do you like reading books by an author who is slower than continental drift" means just that. I have no subtext. It's not code. There is no hidden agenda. I may think the woman is pretty; I might wonder, fantasize or pray that there would be more to follow. I don't expect it, and I don't plot for it. If I ask a woman to dinner, the movies, whatever, I don't assume that if she says yes I am going to get laid. I don't plan on that either. I'm asking what I am asking. Is that because many times, such simple beginnings have led to friendship, romance, or simply a wild weekend? OK, that would be "yes". I don't lose sleep over "no" either. My masculinity isn't damaged. Nor my ego.

I'm not a pillar of virtue. Far from it. What determines my actions is in fact probably absurdly self-centered. I don't do things to other people I would not enjoy having done to me. I don't run stop signs, because I would be furious if I got hit by someone who did. I don't like people pestering me, so I don't pester them. I hold doors open for women AND men, because I like it when it's done for me. It's really that simple. My manners and my morals are based pretty much on "do unto others". How is it that so many people act exactly the opposite? Sadly, I think we have managed to create a society where you are not held accountable for your actions, where you can get absolution by saying "Forgive me" even if you go right back out and do it again, where no one is willing to call people on their behavior, because it is "confrontational" or "aggressive" or "not correct".